EARTH, OUR SOLAR SYSTEM –
An historic event that has been both anticipated and feared by the earth’s inhabitants throughout time occurred on Friday when a very clear message was received by the instruments at SETI, the worldwide research organization dedicated to detecting radio frequency transmissions from outer space.
“We have been looking for patterns in radio frequencies emanating from space since 1981, and have always worked under the assumption that if we ever detected a signal that did not conform to signatures for naturally occurring radio waves, it would be unintelligible” said Ulrich Obenstacker, a scientist who has worked with SETI. “Amazingly, the beings who sent this message have been listening to our transmissions, and were able to send a fully-formed message in perfect English.”
The message, which expressed a desire on the part of the aliens to travel to earth in the near future and meet our species, amazingly did not trend on Twitter.
“It was a very busy week with news concerning the Kardashians, DJ Khalid, Taylor Swift, Justin Beiber, and, of course, President-Elect Trump’s constant tweeting” said media specialist Marvin Duke. “Also, unfortunately the initial press release was tagged with “science” in the description, which removed it from the Facebook feed of 98% of Americans right off the bat.”
The National Academy of Sciences, NASA, and the National Science Foundation have held joint meetings to try and come up with ways to communicate this historic information to the general public. “So far, they haven’t come up with much” said Mr. Duke. “Since no famous people follow science organizations on their Twitter accounts, it’s impossible for the science community to get the information to the celebrities who could disseminate it. And their agents aren’t much help, since there is no money involved.”
“Basically, we’re going to be relying on ordinary Americans to actively take an interest in science, and then share this information with their friends and family” said Mr Duke. “Hopefully, this will happen before the aliens get here and begin landing their spacecraft.”
“If not,” he shrugged, “it’s going to be total pandemonium.”
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