ERIE, PENNSYLVANIA –
After the shock of losing the 2016 presidential election to business tycoon Donald Trump, leading Democrats have tapped party donors and LA producers to create a charming new reality show starring bearded rust belt bird watchers.
The new show, tentatively titled “Duck Taxonomy” grew out of a recognition that the party needed to reach out to new audiences. “It’s centered around a family of quirky, fun-loving bird watching Democrats, the Johnsons, that live in an abandoned steel plant on the edge of Erie, Pennsylvania” said Executive Producer Leon Scarpelli. “They spend their time driving around Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Michigan looking for birds to record in their field guides, and getting into mischief along the way as they forage for food and shelter.”
The cast, who all sport scruffy beards, are constantly bickering and fighting about trivial events which are usually settled by the family patriarch, Tom Johnson. In one episode, the Johnsons attempt to get a group of hunters to try bird watching instead of hunting, by taking their guns while the hunters are asleep and leaving binoculars in their camp instead. The hunters are not happy when they awaken and see what has been done. They immediately catch the Johnsons who were hiding in the bushes chuckling, and then set fire to the Johnsons’ car.
In another episode, the youngest son, Mitch Johnson, has just discovered some hunters hiding in a duck blind when he spies the rare Ross’s Goose. Mitch needs a witness to record the sighting, and starts yelling for his brothers, then pleads with the hunters to witness the sighting. The hunters have been hiding in the cold since 2AM, and are not happy that Mitch has blown their cover. Finally, brother Billy Johnson appears, and as Mitch exclaims that they finally found the goose, one of the hunters shoots the two brothers dead before jumping into a station wagon and fleeing the scene.
While unprepared for some of the violence the bird watching brothers encountered in the first season, Mr. Scarpelli believes the series, which has been posted to Youtube, will catch on. “I mean, how many crazy nuts are out there that will assault and shoot at harmless bird watchers? I’ve got to believe we’ll get thru next season without any casualties. And at that point, the season should start attracting a following. At least, I pray that is the case, as we only have four Johnsons left.”
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