Action Bronson To Head New US Department of Ancient Astronauts

Action Bronson To Head New US Department of Ancient Astronauts


In a sign of the incoming Trump administration’s priorities, Homeland Security today announced the creation of a new Department of Ancient Astronauts, and said that noted rapper, chef, and ancient astronauts authority Action Bronson had been tapped as its new chief.

Long a subject of controversy, inter-planetary visits from aliens in the distant past have been markedly absent from previous administration budgets. In a signal that the Trump team will make it a new focus, the department was given a full cabinet-level position.

Action Bronson, the 2013 BET Hip Hop Rookie of The Year and well-known authority on the subject, said he was looking forward to addressing the lack of public understanding, and will put in place a crack team of researchers and educators to address ancient astronaut issues.

His staff will include Big Body Bes as the Deputy-Secretary of Crop Circles, The Alchemist as Under-Secretary of Pyramid Research, and Knxwledge will assume the position of National Director of Alien Outreach.

Education Is Key

One important task for the new department will be to formulate classroom materials about ancient astronauts and to make that information available to the 98,817 public schools in the United States. Sally Jackson, spokesperson for the new department, said “we’re very pleased the Trump administration is finally making aliens an important part of school curriculum. And we look forward to working with incoming Education Secretary De Vos to educate the nation’s children about this important topic.”

“No child should grow up in America without understanding that astronauts from other worlds made frequent visits in their spaceships to the Egyptian pyramids, Moai stone heads of Easter Island, and Stonehenge among other locations,” said Ms. Jackson. “In fact, should they decide to revisit earth during the Trump administration, Secretary Action Bronson and his team will likely be selected as the first humans to make contact with the aliens.”

Sources for the Trump team, speaking off the record, confirmed that Secretary Bronson would be the first earth contact for beings from another world, but added that the president-elect hopes to also meet them, provided Secretary Bronson was not vaporized by a death ray first.
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