HOUSTON, TX –
In a dramatic move showing “outside the box” thinking by the Trump administration, prolific rapper, entrepreneur, and real estate agent Viper has been named to head up the US Library of Congress according to sources in Washington.
Viper, the Houston-based, self-produced rapper has a track record of prodigious output unmatched over the last several years. In 2016, he released 333 albums to Spotify which included cover art, supporting videos, and a social media presence. Though Mr. Viper’s music was not widely sold, the tremendous feat of cataloging and managing his material caught the eye of the Secretary of the Library of Congress, Martin Malbanks.
“Clearly, we are dealing with a human being that has organizational skills beyond anything we’ve seen, maybe in the history of this planet” said the Secretary. “Considering it took Guns N Roses, with the support of engineers, PR people, album art designers, and a major label, 15 years to release Chinese Democracy, while Mr. Viper, virtually on his own, can release a catalogue of 333 albums in one year? Well, that certainly got our attention.”
The Library of Congress maintains a collection of some 32 million books and 7 million manuscripts. It is charged with organizing the ever-increasing output of manuscripts each year on behalf of the nation, and with the growing popularity of electronic books, the numbers are increasing at an alarming rate. “Frankly, we have no idea how to organize all this stuff,” said Secretary Malbanks. “It’s getting ridiculous.”
While album titles like “You’ll Cowards Don’t Even Smoke Crack” and “Kill Urself My Man” make him an unconventional choice to head up the Library of Congress, Secretary Malbanks is confident they have the right man for the job.
Although Mr. Viper has many supporters, members of congress were gearing up for a confirmation fight over some references Viper made on “A Loyal Illuminati Memba”. A spokesperson for Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell said “of course, the Senate needs to probe any and all connections Mr. Viper may have to the Illuminati. Such as, will the Illuminati be given preference to take out materials from the library, or have their fines reduced if they are late bringing them back? We need to be sure that the Illuminati are not given special privileges if Mr. Viper is in charge.”
Assuming he is confirmed, sources say that Mr. Viper will take charge of the library as soon as he finishes releasing his greatest hits compilation which contains 42,321 songs. Probably sometime after lunch.
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