A secretive centuries-old brotherhood of knights formed in the 12th century to do battle for the Christian faith botched an important appointment this week when it accidentally elected rapper Unkle Adams as its Grand Master and Supreme Leader.
The Knights Templar, also known as the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and the Temple of Solomon, were gathered at an undisclosed hilltop fortress to elect the Knight who would rule them all for the next 20 years when a humorous gesture had dramatic repercussions.
A page to one of the knights at the ceremony described the scene:
“The Knights were arrayed in all their finest livery and seated in the great hall enjoying their mead, and regaling each other with stories from the past. When the time came for the election, one of the Knights, Sir Reginald, scribbled the name Unkle Adams onto a piece of parchment for a moment of levity during the reading of the votes. Adams was an uncle to Sir Reginald, and was known for his lewd behavior and terrible spelling. Indeed there was great laughter when the Priest read the slip. But tragedy soon struck when the Knights realized that the two worthy candidates, Sir Marcellus and Sir Grabdolen, were locked in a tie. This meant that Unkle Adams would be victorious”
The Knights Templar has survived for centuries thru an almost fanatical adherence to their ancient laws, and a tie vote is seen as a sign from God that the knights must choose another, and by tradition it is the candidate with the next highest vote total. John Adams, the uncle Sir Reginald had written on the parchment, had been dead for 300 years. So the knights were bound by tradition to find a living Unkle Adams. And to their horror, they discovered their ruler was now the erstwhile rapper from Saskatchewan who promotes a positive, life-affirming brand of rap and hip hop.
Said Sir Marcellus “How can it be that this foppish minstrel is now our leader? He has no sword. No helm. No mount. Who would follow such a man into battle? I fear that our enemies will take advantage of such a poor choice. The Knights Templar now face a grave and terrible danger.”
Indeed, at press time it was reported that a descendant of Saladin and an army of his knights were on the march toward the castle, and the Knights Templar were girding for battle. Sir Unkle Adams was not available for comment.