WASHINGTON, DC –

Sources inside the White House who agreed to comment on the matter provided their names were not used, since they were not authorized to speak to the press, confirmed that White House Chief Strategist Stephen Bannon is definitely not about to cry.

“Chief Strategist Bannon is absolutely not about to cry, and anyone who says so is guilty of disseminating fake news, and possibly treason against the state,” said one source.

Said another source in the State Department: “Chief Strategist Bannon is not going to cry in the White House, not like a baby, or a woman, or any other thing that cries a lot. If I thought he was going to cry, I would definitely say so, since it would be highly unusual, but he is not, so I have nothing to say about it.”

Other sources confirmed that the Chief Strategist was not about to cry into his sleeve, or pillow, or weep on a sofa or armchair. He was not going to go on a crying jag in the Lincoln Bedroom. Nor was he about to cry in the Oval Office, Rose Garden, in the tunnels to the Capitol, or in a limo. He was definitely not going to cry on camera in front of the press, or during a National Security briefing.

In fact, not only was there no one who was contacted for this article of the belief that the Chief Strategist was on the verge of tears, but not a single source interviewed for this article believes he will ever cry again.

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