WASHINGTON DC –
Responding to a feverish outpouring of untrue internet rumors that have been sweeping thru social media, the White House today took the unusual step of confirming that White House Aide Stephen Miller’s middle name is definitely not Hussein.
While completely unfounded, the “Stephen Hussein Miller” rumor has gathered steam on Reddit, Twitter, and several other popular social media platforms. Memes, such as Stephen Miller wearing the traditional Arab Keffiyeh, or standing in front of Muslim holy sites, have been appearing with more regularity and many Americans seem to be taking the rumor at face value.
“Hell, yeah, his middle name is Hussein,” said Tammy Harbaush of Poughkeepsie, NY. “He obviously hasn’t said anything up to this point about it, so he’s definitely hiding something. If his middle name was not Hussein, then he would have just said so right away. The fact that he hasn’t said anything until now tells you all you need to know.”
As she was speaking to reporters, Ms. Harbaush’s children could be heard in the background chanting “Hussein! Hussein! Hussein!”
“This unfounded and bizarre rumor” quoted a White House press release, “that Stephen Miller’s middle name at birth was Hussein is obviously false and the product of fake news. Stephen was born to Jewish parents, and the idea that they named their child Hussein is, on its face, absurd.”
Cabinet members and other supporters of the Aide also spoke up. “I do not know what Stephen’s middle name is, and that is his right to decide if he wants to share that or not,” said an unnamed staffer. “But I can tell you with 100% certainty that when we find out what his real middle name is, it will definitely not be Hussein.”
Make America The Best contacted high school and college classmates, as well as former co-workers, and they all agreed that Mr. Miller’s middle name was not Hussein. “I don’t remember what it was” said a classmate at Santa Monica High School. “But it’s probably not Hussein. That just seems very unlikely.”
At press time, calls for Mr. Miller to release his birth certificate and prove that his middle name is not Hussein were being brushed aside as unnecessary. “Obviously this is not an important matter, since the fulfillment of Stephen’s duties as a White House Aide have nothing to do with what his middle name is,” said another staffer. “If it turns out to be Hussein, well, who cares, right? At least it’s not something super Jewish.”
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