WASHINGTON DC –
In a bold departure from millennia of human experience, President Donald Trump decided this week that kids are better off being separated from their parents.
Breaking with a long-standing policy of the United States Immigration Services, which established that children who cross the border with their parents should stay with their father or mother while their immigration status is determined, President Trump has decided that kids can ditch their parents and do what they want.
According to J. Worthington Foulfellow, who convinced Pinocchio to go to Pleasure Island where he was turned into a donkey, “it’s high time that the United States forced children to be handed off to random adults where they can be put to work where they belong. President Trump is absolutely right to take these brats away from their parents. I’m surprised it took this long for the US to come to its senses.”
The Coachman heartily agreed. “Why should these immigrant parents get to keep their children by their side if they come across the border? When I transport children to Pleasure Island, they become my property and we turn them into donkeys. That’s how it should be. Take the kids from their parents, and turn them into donkeys. What’s so hard to understand?”
Separating children from their parents also makes good economic sense. “Kids should be free to do what they want without fear of reprimand from adults, and should be made to load crates into boats. That is just good economic policy,” said the Coachman. Mr. Foulfellow concurred “Finally a president who gets it,” he remarked. “I am looking forward to gathering up these kids without parents.” he said. “Selling kids to be turned into donkeys is a growth industry for the US economy, and will be a real job creator”.
Kids who have been detained at the border were not available to comment. However a statement released from the White House said that the kids were very pleased to finally be rid of their parents, and will get to enjoy all the candy and ice cream they want before being turned into donkeys.
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