WASHINGTON DC –
In a strongly-worded press conference on the heels of the defeat of the Republican bill to replace the Affordable Care Act, President Trump lashed out at Democrats today for not voting to take away health insurance for 24 million Americans by 2026. “Democrats are clearly to blame for us not being able to put you in the poor house!” the President railed.
Not one to mince words, President Trump was clearly upset at the prospect of not being able to place Americans in desperate financial straits. “This health care package was a big improvement! The Democrats shamefully failed to support a bill that would have left millions of Americans at the mercy of hospitals, doctors, and drug companies to be sued and lose their life’s savings!” The President continued, “why wouldn’t the Democrats stand with us to force people with no money to fend for themselves against an army of lawyers and accountants?”
While it would be unusual for a political party to vote to replace their own law, President Trump did not pull any punches in his criticism. “If someone is without insurance, they will avoid going to the doctor, and often become more ill than they were to begin with. The Democrats refusal to vote for a bill that would make people more ill is ridiculous!”
“New Poorhouses Will Go Vacant”
“My new infrastructure plans included the construction of thousands of new poorhouses across the country to house Americans who have lost everything because they had no health insurance” said the President. “By refusing to vote for this legislation, the Democrats will be responsible for the poorhouses going empty. The fact that no one will be living in these newly constructed dilapidated shacks to house people with no money is entirely their fault.”
“And what about the construction of the new debtor’s prisons I’ve been planning? How can we make people destitute and lock them in jail if they have insurance to pay medical bills when they get sick?” he complained. “It’s almost impossible!”
If there was any good news for the President, it was that the existing Affordable Care Act was due to explode at any moment.
“I can’t wait for the entire health care system to explode, preferably in a giant fire ball, so that no one is able to be treated for any medical conditions whatsoever” he said. “In fact, with any luck, the fire ball will envelope the entire eastern seaboard and it will break off from the mainland and sink into the ocean to the bottom of the sea, wiping out half the population of the country.”
“It would serve the Democrats right.”
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