Mountain Goat Prepares TED Talk, Expects 20 Million Views

Mountain Goat Prepares TED Talk, Expects 20 Million Views


A mountain goat preparing a new TED talk to be released in the coming weeks expressed confidence that the video will garner millions of views around the globe, and will establish him as a player to be reckoned with on the sprawling YouTube landscape.

The TED talk, part of the well-known series of short, powerful lectures of 18 minutes or less, will delve into the common myths surrounding salt licks, and how the goat came to discover the key to happiness and productivity by licking mineral deposits.

In a press release, the mountain goat previewed his talk: “most goats lick salt every day without really understanding why it is we do it, and how we can use the power of salt to improve our every day lives. I am going to take you deep inside the brain to unlock the mysteries surrounding what is happening when your tongue comes into contact with salt, and what those brain signals mean to the body and the mind. The results may surprise you.”

Drawing from nutritional data, religious texts, brain scans of humans, climate science, and humorous anecdotes of toddlers, the mountain goat promises a talk that will enlighten, yet entertain. Titled “Licking Salt For Success,” the presentation will give viewers insight into the transformative powers of licking the crystalline substance, and how it can change the way they feel about themselves.


Ready To Break Out

Although most mature billies spend their days staring at nannies, digging rutting pits, and fighting each other to demonstrate their worthiness as a mate, this mountain goat is laser-focused on breaking out on YouTube.

“One of the biggest mistakes I see speakers make is not looking into the camera and talking to their viewers directly,” said the goat. “When you deliver amazing experiences to your audience, they spend more time on your channel, and tell their friends about it.”.

The mountain goat has also been hard at work cultivating influencers who he hopes will share his video, driving traffic. “In today’s crowded media ecosystem, it’s vital to leverage social media connections to set yourself up for success. When the speakers of ancient Rome wanted to have their voices heard, they went to the Forum. Today is no different. I am in touch with 15 of the top 25 TED talk speakers of all time, and am confident many of them will share my video. It will be that good.”

To arrange speaking engagements for the mountain goat, please leave a note pinned to the Estes Park parking lot attendant booth located in the Rocky Mountain National Park. Speaking fees to be arranged on a sliding scale.
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