WASHINGTON DC –
Republican leaders in the House and Senate joined forces today at a press conference on Capitol Hill to issue a joint declaration of support for an embattled fence post that is rotting in a field somewhere.
The fence post, which has come under fire repeatedly in recent months for failing to do anything at all, is not part of a fence. Critics cite the fence post’s failure to enclose something, and general lack of accomplishments as evidence that it is a terrible fence post.
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, House Leader Kevin McCarthy, and a host of GOP members from both chambers appeared together to voice their unconditional support for the piece of wood.
In a statement released to reporters, they criticized the left wing media for failing to report all of the positive aspects of the post:
“This fence post has never allocated funding to planned parenthood, asked to use a restroom of a gender other than the one listed on its birth certificate, or assaulted a police officer. We fully support this rotting post standing in a field, and look forward to working with it to solve the nation’s intractable problems.”
The endorsement of the post by the nation’s top republicans came as a surprise to a nearby rock. “I have been sitting next to that post for 70 years and have never seen it do anything. It’s never moved. The rancher who pounded it into the field didn’t even bother to attach anything to it since it started rotting immediately. It has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. None. “
Speaking on condition of anonymity, an influential House member said plans are already underway to draft the post as a candidate for the upcoming midterm elections – just as soon as it can be determined which way the post is leaning.
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