VATICAN CITY –
When you ask someone on the street whether Killer Mike, rapper and co-founder of the band Run the Jewels, and Pope Francis, spiritual leader of the Roman Catholic Church, have ever met before, most people will answer they assume so. However, strange as it may seem, the two men have never been in the same room.
In hopes of arranging the inevitable meeting, officials at the Vatican are rumored to be coordinating the Pope’s travel schedule with the touring schedule of the band, in an effort to finally get the two together.
Pope Francis, Bishop of Rome, sovereign of Vatican City, and leader of one of the world’s largest religions, is a highly regarded spiritual figure whose work for social justice and opposition to war have been well documented. The Pope has received many honors including the Charlemagne Award for fostering unification among European countries, and met with important world leaders such as U.S. President Donald Trump, and German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
Killer Mike, whose given name is Michael Render, is also a social activist, focusing on issues such as social inequality, police violence and the anti-war effort. He, too, has been honored with various awards, including a Grammy for the song “The Whole World,” and has also met with important world leaders such as U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders, and members of Parliament Jeremy Corbyn and George Clinton.
Given the parallels between the two famous figures, it’s surprising to many that they have never met. “I have always assumed they were at least acquaintances,” said Sister Rosemary Cassolini, who works in the St Peter’s gift shop. “It seems as though they would have bumped into each other somewhere along the way.”
Only A Matter Of Time
“Indeed, by ignoring their travel itineraries, we are only prolonging the inevitable crossing of paths of these two men,” said a source at the Vatican who agreed to speak off the record. “We decided to begin coordinating the Pope’s travel with the tour, so that he could drop by backstage at a Run The Jewels concert”.
Possible cities for the meeting could include September 1st in Laois, Ireland, November 6th in Brussels, or possibly in Stockholm on Halloween night. “The Pontiff is not a fan of Halloween, but of course celebrates All Saints Day on November 1st – so, he could certainly visit Mr. Mike after the stroke of midnight at one of the after-parties for the band.”
Although the conversation is expected to focus mainly on social topics, the Pope is rumored to have listened to more a few Run The Jewels tracks. “He likes the early stuff,” said Vatican Liturgical Music Coordinator Paolo Gradiolo. “Blockbuster Night, Pt. 1, and Oh My Darling Don’t Cry, are two songs that he enjoys. But his personal favorite, of course, is “A Christmas Fucking Miracle,” said Mr. Gradiolo.
“For obvious reasons.”
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