PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA –
When President Donald Trump tweeted that he was withdrawing an invitation to Golden State Warrior and NBA champ Stephen Curry to visit the White House, he probably wasn’t expecting an outraged response from a foreign leader halfway around the world. But that is exactly what he got on Saturday.
The reclusive North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Un, a well known fan of the NBA, was incensed at what he saw as President Trump’s disrespect for such a talented basketball player.
Ridiculous Geriatric Nincompoop
“This ridiculous geriatric nincompoop has no right to question the most talented basketball player to ever play the game. Stephen Curry, although not as godlike as myself, towers over the orange-haired baboon like a giant missile over a puny cap gun. Pop! Pop!”
“The enfeebled New York businessman is not fit to tie the tennis shoes of one who has made 200+ three-pointers in five consecutive seasons. Impudence! I will not sit idly by at such an insult from the infirm real estate broker who dares to denigrate the fastest player to score 60 points in one game.”
“The Democratic People’s Republic Of North Korea demands an apology from the hoary ignoramus, or he will face the full fury of our anger.”
Monitoring Troop Movements
After the provocative statement by Kim Jong-Un which was delivered on North Korean State Television, troop movements were closely monitored across the demilitarized zone, or DMZ, by US ally South Korea. No offensive maneuvers were observed but the region remains on high alert.
“Kim Jong-Un is unpredictable, and also a huge Golden State Warriors fan,” said a spokesperson for Moon Jae-In, President of South Korea. “While we stand by our ally the United States, we hope that cooler heads will prevail, and President Trump will reconsider Stephen Curry’s invitation to the White House with all due haste.”
Dennis Rodman Dispatched
NBA legend Dennis Rodman, who has visited Kim Jong-Un in the past, was dispatched aboard an aircraft carrier to the Sea of Japan in case his services were needed. Accompanying him were ex all-stars Larry Bird, Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
John Richardson, Chief of Naval Operations, said that “while the situation remains tense, Americans can sleep soundly tonight knowing that those three NBA greats are keeping them safe, with combined career totals of 77,885 points, 27,902 rebounds, and 21,496 assists.”
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