WASHINGTON, DC –
In response to repeated questioning from the press corp on what he meant by “only one thing will work” to bring North Korea’s nuclear program to an end, President Trump this afternoon announced that thing was a complete and total ban on the sale of McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce to North Korea.
The condiment, Szechuan Chicken McNugget Sauce, was a dipping sauce for McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets first introduced as a tie-in for the Disney movie Mulan in 1998. It developed a cult following among Millennials, who saw the sauce as a nostalgic reminder of their youth.
The popular sauce made an appearance in the Cartoon Network’s show “Rick and Morty” earlier this year when Rick told Morty, after destroying the Galactic Federation, that he wasn’t motivated by saving his family, or indeed anything but “that McNugget sauce. I want that Mulan McNugget sauce, Morty.”
North Korea Outraged
In response to the embargo of the delicious condiment, Kim Jong-Un vowed “total revenge for the insolent dotard’s futile gesture.”
The North Korean leader went on to state that “the joke is on the imperialist in Washington, as the DPRK has for years been developing a McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce in secret facilities around the country. We we will launch the new sauce in the coming weeks, and crush the will of the United States with its awesome deliciousness.”
China Advises Caution
In response to the heightened rhetoric around the dipping sauce, China has entreated both parties to resist further inflammatory language, and to enjoy their excellent condiments instead.
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