KATCHATAW, IOWA –
A local toad, who has made a name for himself as the ‘toadiest toad in Katchataw county’, has been feeling a little out of sorts this week. It seems he’s been plagued by the notion that maybe he’s quite not as toady as he thought.
“I always thought that being an actual toad gave me a ‘leg-up’ on the competition in terms of being toady”, said the toad. “You know, you can’t be much more of a toad than a real toad – but lately, I don’t know. I’m starting to have my doubts.”
“I catch a lot of flies all day. But is that what makes me a toad? Or swimming around in a pond full of lily pads? How about having rough, dry, bumpy skin? Or short hind legs? What makes me more toady than anyone else?”
“Maybe there’s a lot more to being truly toady than meets the eye,” said the toad wistfully.
Dragonfly Weighs In
“He’s extremely toady. When I think of being toady, I think of toad,” said a dragonfly who lives nearby. “But I guess if you asked me who is the toadiest toad – I mean, THE all time toadiest toad ever – I suppose Commissioner Goodell would have to be up there.”
“For instance, when the commissioner of the league tells grown men that they have to stand up during the national anthem because the team owners are uncomfortable with a demonstration against racism – well, that’s pretty toady,” the dragonfly observed.
“Especially when you consider that the commissioner is making 35 million dollars a year – a sum of money that could make a person do almost anything, regardless of how they feel. That’s VERY toady.”
“Lily pads don’t seem all that germane, when you think about them in that light.”
But despite the opinions of others in the swamp, toad is still going about his business of being the toadiest toad he can be.
“Look, I’ll never have the opportunity to be paid so much money that I will say and do anything for my employers, regardless of what I may think is right. Because, well look at me, I’m living in a swamp.”
“But what I can do is get up every morning, and be the best toad I know how to be. And if that’s not toady enough for the rest of the world, well, I’m OK with that.”
And with that, toad took a deep breath and puffed himself up to twice his normal size.
Because that’s just what real toads do.
Your Trusted Source for Faux News