Trump Signs Health Care Directive To Fire All NFL Players

Trump Signs Health Care Directive To Fire All NFL Players


President Trump today enlisted the power of the pen to finally right what he perceived as a terrible wrong in the US health care industry: the refusal of NFL player to stand for the national anthem before games.

“I have studied the health care debate for a long time, and as I looked at the situation, it became apparent to me that there was only one way to repair the disaster that was Obamacare, and that was to fire all NFL players immediately, so that we can begin to create a new, more patriotic professional football league in America.


Don’t Have Anything To Do With Health Care

Although the players in the NFL do not have any connection whatsoever to the health care industry, President Trump assured the witnesses gathered in Oval Office that firing them all was the best way to improve Americans’ health.

“Kneeling during the national anthem is a slap in the face to the guy who wrote the national anthem, as well as the lady who sewed the flag. Therefore, I have unilaterally decided to use an executive order to repair our broken health care system by terminating the players as soon as possible.”


Failure Of Congress

While the President regretted that NFL games would not be played this weekend, or for the foreseeable future until replacement players who will stand for the anthem can be found, he laid the responsibility squarely at the feet of congress.

“The inability of congress to repeal Obamacare is the reason we will not have football. Very sad as the Jets seemed to be better this year, but they left me no choice.”


Games Will Go On As Scheduled

Although mindful of the President’s actions, the NFL said all games will go on as scheduled this weekend, since the President has no power to fire the players or the ability to force the owners to do anything.

“While we appreciate the President’s efforts to overhaul health care and improve the lives of the people of this great country, we will continue playing games as scheduled, and look forward to providing the exciting product on the field that fans have come to expect from the National Football League.”

“However, in the spirit of cooperation, and as a gesture toward improving the health care system for our fans, the NFL will donate 1 million dollars to free clinics across the country in those cities that agree to build new stadiums for their NFL teams.”
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