GRIMLEY, WY –
In a measure of how deeply divided the nation has become over the subject of politics, a horse and its rider became embroiled in conflict this week over the mere mention of the US President’s name.
“I hadn’t realized how bad things had gotten until today,” said local rodeo clown Jumpin’ Jee-horse-aphat. “It’s getting to the point where a horse and cowboy can’t even have a reasonable conversation about politics.”
Time-Honored Tradition In Jeopardy
Since the early days of the American west, cowboys and their horses have roamed the back country and pastures of the nation, sharing a simple bond. “The days can get pretty long out there on the trail, and a few words here and there can help pass the time. But nowadays you can’t even bring up the subject of politics with your horse – let alone other cowboys.”
“Everybody’s on edge – we’re like a bunch of long-tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs,” said Jee-horse-aphat, as he spat on the ground.
Marked Increase In Barroom Brawls
Sheriff Ramsey McClennan has noticed an uptick in scuffles at local establishments. “The other day this cowhand was jawing about the Affordable Care Act at the saloon, and next thing you know whiskey bottles were breaking, punches were flying, and fellahs were firing off their six-shooters all over the place,” said the Sheriff.
“They’re even fighting after they get thrown in jail. Just yesterday, we had to open a cell and separate a Bernie Bro and a Trumpster, rolling around on the floor yelling and arguing about free tuition for college. They’re all acting like kids.”
Villains Having A “Heyday”
Traditionally, townspeople in the west could be counted on to unite against a common enemy, like a bank robber or cattle rustler. But these days so many town folk are fighting among themselves that the bad guys can break the law with impunity.
“Last week we put together a posse to hunt down a bandit who had shot a man in broad daylight. Well, we didn’t get 10 feet out of town before one of the deputies had to make a comment about Mike Pence, and another guy shot off his hat.”
“How are we going to protect our women folk when we can’t even get along ourselves?” said Sheriff McClennan.
Horse Not Sorry
If a horse throwing his rider is any indication of things to come, things will get worse before they get better. Some of the cowboys have even taken to Twitter to vent their frustration.
Sources say plans for the 2020 tour of the “Make America Great Again Rodeo Extravaganza” have been put on hold until further notice.
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