President Trump Demands Attorney General Start Looking Into Uranus

President Trump Demands Attorney General Start Looking Into Uranus


In an especially strident Tweet in the early morning hours today, President Trump called on Attorney General Jeff Sessions to drop what he was doing, and immediately begin an investigation into Uranus.

The Tweet appeared at 4:01 AM this morning:

Look into Uranus

It was not immediately clear why the President wanted the nation’s top law enforcement officer to examine Uranus, which has traditionally been a subject of purely scientific discovery.

“It’s no secret that scientists have long wanted to probe Uranus,” said Bob Underbright of NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory. “In fact, Uranus has been high on the list of sites that NASA intends to study for years. Why the President is also suddenly so interested in Uranus remains a mystery.”


Probe Into Uranus Will Reveal A Lot

Since it is in the outer reaches of the Solar System, Uranus is very cold. “The first probe to Uranus will tell us a lot about its characteristics,” said Mr. Underbright. “Is the surface firm or spongy? How many rings are around it? What are the exact dimensions?”

“Regardless of whether the President uses the FBI or NASA to launch the probe, scientists will be excited by any news about Uranus, and will stand ready to assist as needed.”


Timing Unknown

As to when the probe might actually be launched, it could be awhile. “It will take several years to assemble a probe that is capable of surviving entry,” said Mr. Underbright. “Any probe will need to be mindful of the methane gas surrounding Uranus. These gases are unpredictable and prone to explosion.”

As to whether there will be competition between the two government agencies and the President, Mr. Underbright said not to worry. “Uranus is very large. So, even though the President, the FBI and NASA will all be working on the probe, there will be plenty of Uranus to go around for everybody.”
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