CASTLE GREYSKULL –
Saying that he has been more than patient with the press during his bid for a US Senate seat, Skeletor today held a press conference at Castle Greyskull ripping into what he said was the “scandalous November surprises and fake news” perpetrated on him by “Jeff Bezos and the liberal media.”
An evil demon from another dimension, Skeletor has focused much of his career on thwarting He-Man, the popular sword-wielding warrior, and attempting to capture Castle Greyskull to become supreme ruler of the universe.
However, he said he can no longer stand by and watch the Democrats rig the system against hard-working folk like himself.
DEMOCRATIC HIT JOB!
While his life’s goal is to enslave humanity, Skeletor said the focus should be on “the LIES, the MISINFORMATION, and the MEDIA that PUSHES the FAILED Liberal agenda!!”
“This country is being MANIPULATED by the Liberal Democrats who are seeking to DESTROY all that is good and true!” he said, in response to questions concerning his murder of one of his henchman in 1987, for which there are multiple witnesses and video evidence.
“Democrats are NOTHING more than SOCIALISTS, and they KNOW they can’t admit it, or America would REJECT them TOTALLY…”
The Republican Party
Whipping the crowd at Castle Greyskull into a frenzy, Skeletor lead supporters in chants of “Lock Her Up! Lock Her Up!” and “Down With He-Man!” before continuing:
“The Republican Party is TRANSFORMING the US… from a BIG Government, pro GLOBALISM, pro Castle Greyskull SWAMP, to a PRO American, PRO Common Sense, PRO SKELETOR Party… Get on BOARD or get left behind!” he told the thousands gathered in attendance, who cheered the half-mutant, half-skeleton candidate.
“Yesterday, I issued a challenge… I said I would debate Liberals on ANY issues they want… whether that’s seizing control of the planet Primus with an army of mutants, or repealing Obamacare – and guess what? None of them responded!”
“It just PROVES that if you take away the LIES, the MISINFORMATION, and the MEDIA that PUSHES the IDIOCY… Liberals have NOTHING!!” cried the muscular blue humanoid with a purple hood.
“Death To You All!”
The rally concluded with Skeletor promising to wreak revenge on all the people who were supporting him in the audience, and to make sure that every last one of them died a horrible death. He further promised to enslave them for all eternity just as soon as he was elected.
Polls show Skeletor locked in a close race with the Democratic challenger with 78% of likely Republican voters supporting him.
Your Trusted Source for Faux News