WASHINGTON, DC –

The White House makes many purchases over the course of the year, spending millions of dollars to keep the federal government running efficiently. However, one such item was brought to the forefront this week when President Trump called a special news conference and declared he was returning a Military Cossack Ushanka hat purchased from Amazon.com this past summer.

“In keeping with my administration’s careful attention to budget concerns, we are returning this hat I purchased legally from Amazon.com, which was not given to me as a gift by the President of Russia, or any member of the KGB acting on his behalf, for a full refund.”

A Very Warm Hat

The military style hat, worn by the Soviet Army during World War II and a symbol of the hearty strength of the Russian people, is still popular to this day in many parts of the former Soviet Union.

“Although my staff has misplaced the receipt for this hat,” the President said, “I have no doubt that it will be found. And in any case, it was purchased during my normal online shopping, and was not sent to me as a gift in exchange for sensitive American intelligence, which I would never divulge even if given an amazingly warm hat that fit me perfectly.”

Amazon Does Not Carry Russian Fur Hats

Although almost any product can be found on Amazon.com, sources at the company could not find any evidence that they had sold the hat to the President. “We have combed our records and cannot find any record of a sale to the White House of any Russian hats,” said Mika Parmov, Director Of Government Sales for Amazon.com.

“However, we are happy to refund the President an amount comparable to the cost listed on official Russian military uniform websites, which apparently is the only place this particular hat can be found.”

Mr. Parmov said a full refund for the hat will be made immediately to the President in Rubles, via a check payable to Trumpskibank RAO Investment Group, Sebastopol, Crimea.

 
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