PYONGYANG, DPRK –

A sturdy old stadium that refused to yield to the march of time, or even explosives, may have a new foe to contend with.

Following the failed demolition of the long since abandoned Pontiac Silverdome by construction crews today, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un, in a bellicose statement released to the press, has made a vow of vengeance on the empty facility to demonstrate to the world his awesome power and might.

Weakness Of America

The failure of the stadium to collapse following a private contractors’ detonation of a ring of explosives was proof, according to the reclusive leader, that the might of the US was waning.

“Obviously Donald Trump and the United States have become a third rate power,” said a statement from Pyongyang, “when they can not even tip over a decrepit stadium whose roof collapsed all by itself in 2013!”

“The DPRK will knock over this stadium like a toothpick balanced on the knee of our great leader, Kim Jong-Un!” the statement read. “And further, our fearless leader will field a football team all by himself that will decimate the Detroit Lions by many touchdowns!”

Other Threats Against The Motor City Issued

In addition to the threat against Pontiac Stadium, the press release went on to say that Kim Jong-Un will take on rapper Eminem in a rap battle and “destroy him with beats that are off the hook.” And further that he will “renovate a kitchen in record time which will be twice as good as anything Tim ‘Tool Man’ Taylor has done on all of his shows. And Kim Jong-Un will be twice as funny doing it!”

Despite the threatening nature of the press release, the statement did clarify that the DPRK will ensure that ex-Detroit Piston Dennis Rodman is not in the area when it pulverizes the Silverdome into a million pieces, since he was kind enough to visit Kim Jong-Un and provide him with a team-autographed poster of the 1989 Championship Team.

 
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