GATERSVILLE, FL –

Local math teacher Roger Pardow was a little sore when he woke up this morning from cleaning out his garage the day before – and he had a bit of a headache, too, from drinking a few beers during a late night poker session with his buddies.

So when his wife called from inside the house at around two o’clock in the afternoon to ask him to hang some curtain rods in the dining room, he was was desperate to find a way to avoid it.

Flopped Down Like A Fish On The Ground

Mr. Pardow was in his backyard talking to his neighbor, Vonn Johnsson, when they heard his wife.

“We were discussing Roger possibly helping me as an assistant on the high school football team next fall,” said Mr. Johnsson, “when suddenly he flopped down on the ground and lay very still, and whispered that I should pretend I was doing yard work and didn’t see him.”

“At first I didn’t understand what he was doing, but then I realized he was playing dead.”

Camping Workshop For School Trip Came In Handy

Mr. Pardow was apparently executing a maneuver the two men had learned last spring when they were training to take a group of high school students to the Bear Creek Nature Preserve on an overnight camping trip.

“There are bears in that part of Florida, so we always make sure the kids know what to do if they run into one,” said Mr. Johnsson. “For instance, if a bear charges and you cannot outrun it, the instructor said as a last resort to flop on the ground and pretend you’re dead. I remember Roger being really excited about that at the time. He must have done it 8 or 10 times in the class, even after we had moved on to learning something else.”

A Body Discovered

Mrs. Pardow continued to call her husband’s name for over a half hour. “She just kept saying it over and over, once about every two or three minutes. Kind of like you would call for a cat that was lost. But Roger didn’t budge. He was very determined.”

Mr. Johnsson finished raking up his grass clippings while his neighbor lay on the ground. When he was done, he turned on a radio and pulled out a lawn chair to rest for awhile.

Finally, after a few minutes of silence, Mrs. Pardow emerged from the house. Upon discovering her husband lying motionless on the grass, she sighed audibly and stared at him for a minute, before walking back into the kitchen where she poured herself a double vodka tonic and called her mother.

 
makeamericathebest.com
Your Trusted Source for Faux News