NEW YORK, NY –
Under intense public pressure from the Hoboes Union Of America, and due to the poor condition of their own players’ uniforms, the NBA this week announced they would allow hoboes to play during regular season home games.
The move, which comes on the heels of several players appearing on the court with badly torn jerseys, stipulates that a team may substitute a hobo during the fourth quarter as needed when the regular player’s uniform looks worse than the uniform of the hobo.
Hobo Jerseys Look As Good As The NBA’s
According to a member of the NBA Board of Directors who asked not to be named: “frankly, our big objection to having hoboes play has always been that their uniforms were in such terrible shape, which is totally understandable since they live on empty railroad cars.”
“But we can’t really say that anymore now that our players’ uniforms don’t look much better.”
NBA uniforms, which athletic apparel manufacturer Nike began supplying this season under a new 1 billion dollar contract, have suffered repeated tears during play. The company is working to correct the problem.
Not Very Good At Basketball
Although hoboes do look better on the court in some cases, the NBA has been mystified as to why they insist on playing, since they don’t seem to know anything about the game itself.
“They have not scored, are unable to pass or dribble, and don’t seem to understand the basic rules such as traveling and out of bounds,” said the board member. “We’re not sure why they want to play.”
“Of course, it might have something to do with the minimum NBA starting salary of $562,493, and the chance to live like a normal human being. But regardless, we can’t have our fans subjected to these shabby uniforms anymore. If hoboes can help us elevate the NBA brand, then we should thank them for their efforts, and allow them to play during the regular season, the conference playoffs, and if necessary, the finals in May.”
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