UNITED STATES –
Forty-seven prominent evangelical pastors signed a letter this week in support of President Trump’s call to ban immigrants from “shithole countries” in favor of admitting more citizens from Norway.
“While we don’t agree with everything the President says,” said Marvin Linkwaiter, pastor of the Evangelical Church Of The Armageddon, “we do agree the US needs to get a handle on all of the people coming from godforsaken hellholes, and should start importing more Norwegians as soon as humanly possible.”
Norway Is An Awesome Country
The letter, which praised Norway and emphatically supported limiting immigration from total armpit countries, embraced the President’s position.
“Norway is a Scandinavian country encompassing mountains, glaciers, and deep coastal fjords, while crap-hole countries like Haiti have no winter sports, no vikings, no coat of arms, and no king or queen. The US needs more immigrants that eat codfish and herring, and should reject those who eat red snapper.”
Jesus Would Agree
The letter went on to cite biblical evidence in support of the President’s comments, which they believe are divinely inspired by God.
“While Norwegians were not specifically mentioned in the bible, it’s clear that the Lord favored them, since He came to earth looking like a Norwegian. Also, many of our favorite biblical characters look Norwegian, too, like Noah and Hercules.”
The letter added that while the pastors have no direct beef with people from Haiti, if Jesus had wanted them to emigrate to the US, he would definitely have given them long blond hair, swords, and really cool helmets with horns.
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