WASHINGTON DC –
Although he was fired from his job at the National Security Council for a memo detailing the “deep state conspiracy by Cultural Marxists,” ex-director of strategic planning Rich Higgins proved prescient in his predictions this week when several Marxists were discovered to have infiltrated the highest ranks of government.
The accused Marxists, who use the aliases Groucho, Harpo, Zeppo and Chico, were found wearing fake beards and trying to pass themselves off as foreign dignitaries during a State Department gathering Thursday night in the West Wing of the White House.
“Obviously we owe Mr. Higgins an apology as he clearly saw what the intelligence apparatus of the US government was unable to see – namely, that these four impostors were spreading their Marxist ideas to anyone who would listen in the State Department and beyond.”
Code Words To Alert The Other Conspirators
While the goals of the Marxists remained unclear, their behavior suggests they are anarchists intent on dismantling standard protocols, and disrupting the sober decision-making required to run the US government.
“At one point, I saw one of them making strange hand gestures and abusing the other infiltrators with blows to the head and face. He was also making a sound which was likely an alarm of some kind that sounded like a ‘whoo-whoop-whoop!” said an anonymous White House staffer.
The Marxists were attempting to pass themselves off as famous aviators and members of the military. Ex-Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who was attending the dinner at the White House, became suspicious of one of the Marxists when his beard came off while drinking from a pitcher of water. She alerted the Secret Service, and a chase ensued that lasted for two hours around the White House grounds and upper floors.
Upon capture, one of the Marxists declared “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” He then declined his Miranda Rights, saying he liked both sides of Miranda, and wanted a whole woman or no woman at all.
Cultural Marxists A Clear Danger
The four men were immediately transferred to Guantanamo Bay for questioning to find out what they might be planning. While waterboarding is not expected to be used in the interrogation, one of the Marxists said he objected to the use of torture, but volunteered to waterboard the other two if he would be allowed to get double rations and an extra desert.
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