NEW YORK, NY –
Thinking he was joining a tour group embarking on a fun-filled 13-day vacation excursion to Eastern Europe, Paul Manafort expressed surprise on Tuesday when told he was actually among a group of Russian diplomats at JFK International airport who were on their way back to Moscow after being expelled from the country.
Mr. Manafort, no longer wearing the electronic bracelets to track his movements which were later found sawed off in his kitchen, expressed surprise that the people next to him were all employees of the Russian embassy.
“You’ve got to be kidding!” said Mr. Manafort. “This is not the Explore Eastern Europe vacation package? Wow. I was sure the flight was today. I must have misread my emails!”
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The tour, which Mr. Manafort insisted was leaving from somewhere in the terminal later that afternoon, promised a fabulous excursion of several European capitals, including a day at leisure to relax in the cafes of Warsaw, and shopping in the bustling markets of Prague’s fascinating Jewish Quarter.
“I was very much looking forward to the fascinating history, art, and culture of Eastern Europe coming alive for me – not to mention celebrating with my fellow travelers at a festive dinner in Gdansk. But – it looks like I got things a little mixed up. How embarrassing!”
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“What a coincidence that all these Russians were gathered together here,” he said as several nearby embassy employees pretended not to see him. “I was wondering why there was no one holding a sign up for Das Vadanya Tours. It all makes sense now.”
“Well, I guess I’ll be heading back home then,” he said to authorities as they took him by both arms and led him to a detention facility.”I sure hope the travel company allow me to re-book the trip soon. I’d really hate to forfeit that $300 deposit!”
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