White House Lawyers Declare Ban On Israelis Is Legal, Alt Right Rejoices

White House Lawyers Declare Ban On Israelis Is Legal, Alt Right Rejoices


Saying they always knew the president wouldn’t let them down, believers in the supremacy of the Aryan race were glad to hear Trump’s lawyers affirm in the Supreme Court that all Israelis could legally be barred from coming to the US.

“This is simply confirmation of something we have always believed: that the Founding Fathers wanted only white Anglo-Saxon Protestants to live in this country,” said Aryan Mike, Supreme Leader of God’s Army of White Soldiers. “We hope Congress will move swiftly to enact this law, now that the Trump administration has declared it legal.”


Solicitor General Says It’s Legal

In his argument on behalf of the president’s immigration ban on five predominantly Muslim countries before the Supreme Court Tuesday, Solicitor General Noel Francisco asserted that it would also be legal to ban all Israelis from immigrating to the US if it were a matter of national security.

“If his cabinet were to say to him, ‘Mr. President, there is honestly a national security risk here and you have to act,’ I think then that the president would be allowed to follow that advice,” Mr. Francisco told the Justices.


Anti-Semitic Groups Say Israelis Definitely Security Threat

“This is exactly why we voted for this president,” said Aryan Mike.

“It’s obvious to anyone who pays attention that there is a mass immigration of Islamic terrorists infiltrating into the US by disguising themselves as Israelis,” said Aryan Mike. “It’s vital to our national security that the administration move to ban Israelis immediately now that it’s been declared legal.”


Israelis Question Ban

“I always believed the United States was a land of opportunity, and that President Trump was our friend,” said Yashim Dirigible, of the Bora Telmuk Settlement on the West Bank. “Why are they discussing a ban on Israelis in the Supreme Court? It’s wrong to ban people because of their religion.”

“God would never permit any such law from happening,” said Rabbi Yitzak Whelpim of Tel Aviv. “If the US were to ban Israelis, He would smite them with a plague. Or at least decrease the speed of their internet connections.”


Stephen Miller Unavailable For Comment

Although reportedly the architect of the president’s immigration ban, Trump Advisor Stephen Miller, who was raised by Jewish parents in Santa Monica, did not make a comment on the Solicitor General’s assertion in the Supreme Court.

However, a Republican strategist seen leaving the White House said that the administration would never institute a ban on Israelis, saying they are a valued security partner in the volatile region of the Middle East.

“Besides,” he said, “I couldn’t never support a ban on Israelis – some of my best friends are Jews.”

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