JERSEY CITY, NJ –
In a move to add more muscle to the group of lawyers preparing to defend him against possible allegations from the Mueller investigation, President Trump today announced that Hulk Hogan would join his legal defense “Lightening Strike Force Team”.
“The Hulkster is well known in legal circles which many people do not know. And he has a terrific body slam which anyone who knows my style knows I will appreciate,” said the president.
A History Of Winning
The president also expressed confidence that Mr. Hogan’s storied career in the World Wrestling Federation, New Japan Pro Wrestling Organization, and American Wrestling Association would translate to victory in the courtroom.
“I still remember the ‘Bask At The Beach’ when the Hulkster took on Ric Flair in Orlando. Truly one of the great sporting matches of our time,” said the president. “And his take down of Macho Man Randy Savage in Wrestlemania 5 was epic.”
“If the Hulkster were to throw just one of Robert Mueller’s men over the top rope like he did to Randy Savage that night, this investigation would be over in a heartbeat. That’s all I’m saying.”
Familiar With The Fake Media
Although not an attorney himself, Mr. Hogan was a plaintiff in the lawsuit that ultimately bankrupted Gawker Media. The lawsuit centered around the website’s publishing of a sex tape involving the former wrestler which was surreptitiously recorded.
“You never know what’s going to happen in a wrestling match, but the Hulkster always seems to come out on top no matter what,” said the president. “He also knows what it’s like to have the fake media create tapes of things you never said or did, and broadcast them over the airwaves right before an election.”
Mr. Hogan has never contested the authenticity of the sex tape.
“As the supervisor of both my newly created ‘Commando Law & Order Patrol’, and the ‘Extreme Vetting Squad,’ Hulk Hogan will take down any lawyer anywhere, just like he took down a multi-million dollar media empire, using his legal savvy.”
“With Hulk Hogan on my team, there is no question I will prevail.”
‘Collusiamania 1 – Impeachageddon’ will be broadcast live on HBO later this year. Check local listings for show times in your area.
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