STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN –
The Swedish Nobel Committee on behalf of the Alfred Nobel Memorial Foundation today announced Dennis Rodman will be nominated, and almost assuredly will win, its Peace Prize for his outreach to the DPRK, and efforts to establish a lasting peace on the Korean Peninsula.
First Time Nomination Has Been Released In Advance
Normally, the Nobel committee refrains from announcing nominations, and a winner is not chosen until October. But given the overwhelming support for Mr. Rodman, the members felt it important to announce his nomination now.
“There really was no other choice for this year’s award, so we decided that we would make the nomination public, with the prize being all but a foregone conclusion,” said Rolf Overgren, spokesperson of the Royal Order of Bergerson, which handles publicity for the organization.
“There is no one else under serious consideration at this time. And we don’t anticipate that to change.”
The 5-time champion and 2-time defensive player of the year who still holds the NBA record for career rebounding average takes his place among great peacemakers such as Martin Luther King Jr, Lech Walesa, and Mother Theresa.
“The world owes Mr. Rodman a debt of gratitude for opening the door that led a reclusive regime to join the human race in celebrating the opportunities of a peaceful coexistence, and a final end to the 65 year war that has taken such a toll on millions of people,” said Mr. Overgen.
First Basketball, Then Talk
While he let his fellow players do the talking on the court, Mr. Rodman befriended the head of North Korea, Kim Jong-Un, showing the wary leader that westerners, and Americans in particular, could be both trustworthy and good partners.
His five visits to the embattled communist country were at first scandalous, then ridiculed, and finally, gave birth to a peace agreement that will bring relief to 75 million people.
“Without Dennis Rodman, there would still be a war going on. Who else can say that?” Mr. Overgren asked.
No Suspense This October
A statement from the Nobel Committee all but awarded the prize:
“While we have, since 1901, eschewed previews of the selection committee’s decision, in this one case, we feel it only right to put the world on notice that Dennis Rodman is the sole nominee under consideration for the Nobel Peace Prize.”
“Mr. Rodman has always been a great rebounder. And the committee would like to acknowledge his tireless efforts in plucking North Korea from the backboard of injustice, and delivering it to a fast break of prosperity, and good will for the people of Southeast Asia.”
“No one has done as much for peace between the two Koreas. In fact, it would be a joke to suggest that the committee contemplate anyone else. And so we say, thank you, Dennis Rodman, on behalf of the people of Korea, of the people of Asia, and indeed, of the people of planet earth.”
Mr. Rodman is expected to skip the award ceremony, unless of course he happens to be in Sweden that day, and there is nothing else going on dog.
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