MONTCLAIR, KY –
Like the couple in the 1979 pop song “Escape,” who answer the same personals ad and find out they were both trying to cheat on each other, Mary Beth Tisdole and Martin Grossbeek shared a good laugh this week after discovering each other’s fake profiles on the dating site Tinder.
“I think it’s so funny that we were both trying to cheat at the same time!” said Ms. Tisdole, as she read thru her husband’s extensive profile. “And I never realized we had so much in common.”
“Who knew I was married to someone that had no interest in being with me whatsoever,” Mr. Grossbeek chuckled. “And was also a fellow white supremacist. What a coincidence!”
Closet Nazi Memorabilia Fan
The couple ran across each other’s profiles while swiping thru potential hook ups last Saturday, and found out a lot about each other that they didn’t know.
“I told Martin I had a headache and went upstairs, and apparently he was doing the same thing in the garage – so funny,” said Mrs. Tisdale.
“There were some OK pics,” said Mr. Grossbeek, “but all of a sudden I swiped and there was a picture of Mary Beth holding a bloody crucifix standing in front of a satanic symbol,” said Mr. Grossbeek. “My first thought was, wow, that’s pretty cool. Then, when I read that she was looking for someone who shared a deep abiding passion for The Fuhrer, I was like – wow, I’m so turned on!”
Harp Seal Taxidermy
Apparently the couple shared a lot more than a queen bed in a 2-story duplex.
“I’ve been into the occult since high school, but I was never comfortable sharing it with guys I was dating. And when I fell in love with Martin, I really didn’t want him to find out,” said Ms. Tisdole. Ironically, Mr. Grossbeek was thinking the same thing. “Sacrificing goats to please the dark lord is not something that girls go in for. Or at least, I never thought they did, until now!”
“I’m still not sure why Martin claimed to have someone cryogenically frozen in his garage. But then again, I guess I’m not really sure what all he keeps out back, so who knows?!” she laughed.
Among other things the couple revealed on Tinder: they both enjoy carvings made from the ivory of endangered species, go out of their way to create greenhouse gases, and they also both like Justin Bieber. “I guess the Justin Bieber thing is not really that unusual. But it’s kind of nice we don’t have to pretend to like reggae any more.”
Confession To Murder
Although unusual to find in a Tinder profile, Mr. Grossbeek also confessed to being present at the death of a friend in college during a botched plan to burglarize a genetic engineering lab. “The crime was never reported to the authorities due to the highly illegal nature of the experiments being done there, but I have to say it felt great to get that off my chest.”
For her part, Ms. Tisdole was just glad to find someone who also liked to drink gasoline. “I’m not much for Pina Coladas or getting caught in the rain, but if I had known Martin was up for getting blackout drunk on Sterno, I wouldn’t have bothered with Tinder.”
Although the couple is looking forward to a more open relationship, several friends expressed disappointment that the couple wasn’t breaking up, since they won’t get to see the juicy revenge porn they were sure would have been posted.
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Editor’s note: the people in the stock photo accompanying this article are obviously not Nazi enthusiasts. Although Make America The Best confesses it has no idea what weird things they may or may not be into, it’s within the realm of possibility that their laughter was about something at least a little creepy.