BUCKINGHAM PALACE –

After a rousing third round victory at the Northern Trust Tournament in picturesque Paramus, New Jersey, the American professional golfer Bryson DeChambeau was declared Duke of Burgundy by her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II at a ceremony in Buckingham Palace this morning, endowing him with all the rights and privileges of that title.

As the new Lord of the Duchy of Burgundy, a portion of traditional Burgundian lands west of the river Saône, Duke DeChambeau will be responsible for the well-being of its inhabitants, providing knights for the Crown in times of war, and contributing to the building of the local cathedral.

“The House of DeChambeau is honored by this unexpected and generous gesture by the Royal Family,” read a press release nailed to a pole outside the Ridgewood Country Club. “We will endeavor to support our Queen, improve our fortifications, and make ourselves worthy of this illustrious name.”

Prince Louis of Bourbon, the current Duke of Burgundy, was relieved of the title. However, the Lord Chamberlain said he will be considered for future dukedoms if he can improve his employ of the mashie-niblick near the green, and get his scores down into the low 70s.

 
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