Attorney General Sessions Most Likely Responsible For Hurricane Michael

Attorney General Sessions Most Likely Responsible For Hurricane Michael


In what’s being generally viewed as a foregone conclusion, sources in Washington agreed Tuesday that although he may not have personally created the storm currently pounding the southeastern portion of the United States, Attorney General Sessions is probably mostly responsible for it taking place.


Probably The Cause

Representative Mark Meadows, leader of the Freedom Caucus, said he was withholding final judgement until more information becomes available, but said that the AG might very well be at fault. “I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but Attorney General Sessions is certainly one of the people who might be identified as the root cause of the hurricane. And if so, well, shame on him.”


In It Up To His Eyeballs

At a rally for President Trump this week in North Dakota, local cheese maker Mark Quilline said that Sessions was more than likely the culprit. “Chances are, if he did not directly cause the hurricane, I’m sure we’ll be hearing soon that he probably was behind whoever did. And if he wasn’t behind it, then he certainly knows who was.”

“He is a terrible American, most likely.”


Should Know For Sure Very Soon

Although Representative Meadows believes that the Attorney General will turn out to be responsible, other possible causes of the hurricane include Former FBI Director James Comey, Lebron James, Hillary Clinton, the main stream media, Justin Trudeau, sanctuary cities, the cast of Hamilton, chain migration, and the Steele Dossier.

“I’m sure we’ll find out who’s responsible for the hurricane tonight,” said Congressman Meadows. “Which is good news.”

“Because once we find out the guilty party, we can take swift action to try and prevent the next one.”
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