WASHINGTON DC –

Fresh on the heels of an administration victory in the Senate, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo took the opportunity of some menus being passed around in the cabinet room to appoint himself to the newly created position Director of Menu Book.

A spokesperson for the State Department outlined the duties of the new job:

The Secretary will assume total control of the menu book during the lunch selection process.

He will conduct a brief three minutes of questioning, followed by a two minute period for comments, at which time a non-binding advisory vote shall be taken.

As Director of Menu Book, Secretary Pompeo retains final decision-making powers over the menu selection, subject to the following:

 Any declared cabinet member food allergies

 Word of a restaurant being out of a desirable item

 The president deciding that, in fact, he actually wants
 a cheeseburger today instead

The Secretary’s confirmation as Director of Menu Book was expected to be swift, as cabinet members expressed a desire to get something quickly, and could probably find a salad or something at any old place.

 
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