US Voters Flock To Polls In Bid To Establish Constitutional Monarchy

US Voters Flock To Polls In Bid To Establish Constitutional Monarchy


Suffering from extreme fatigue and a broken political system that pits two unappealing parties against each other in never-ending rounds of bickering without addressing the country’s needs, voters across the US ran to the polls in huge numbers today in an attempt to return to the 1600’s, and become subjects of a king and queen.


King George Wasn’t So Bad After All

Seeking to abolish a dysfunctional Congress and tainted Supreme Court, Americans of every political stripe all but begged Prince Harry and Princess Meghan to move to the US and take up residence in the White House as their Lord and Lady.

“I know we had a king once upon a time, back in the old days,” said Don Parlington of Branchtree, South Carolina, “and then we had some kind of revolution, but maybe those founding father fellers had it all wrong. I mean, is this what they wanted to happen?”

“Sure, if you get a bad king, it’s not so good,” Mr. Parlington said. “But there’s a lot of positives with putting one man or woman in charge. The British were very successful under Queen Elizabeth. Why can’t we have that kind of solid leadership here?”


Nice People

“That Princess Markle is a real smart lady,” said Doris Oliver of Barron, Nebraska. “I am sure the country would do a lot better if she were in charge with that handsome Prince Harry.”

Although the choice of abolishing the constitution is not on the midterm ballots, voters took to scrawling the names of Prince Harry and Princess Meghan next to the words “Monarchy now!” in polling places across the nation. Said election volunteer Mitch Crebbes: “it’s weird. People are walking up to me and demanding that I call Buckingham Palace. I don’t even know how to dial outside the US.”

Although the winner of today’s elections won’t be known for several hours, exit polling indicates Prince Harry and Princess Markle have a substantial lead over Emperor Akihito of Japan.

Princess Mette-Marit, Crown Princess and Crown Prince Haakon of Norway are running a distant third.
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