ATLANTA, GA –
After making the alarming announcement that Georgia’s voting system had been hacked on the eve of the midterm elections, Secretary of State Brian Kemp announced this morning that there was no such problem, and that the whole thing was just a crazy joke to rile people up.
“I really have to apologize,” said the secretary. “The vote tallies are one hundred percent accurate. That comment was just a little secretary-of-state humor that, I guess, looking back on it, kind of got out of hand.”
Always Been Into Comedy
“I was a real trickster back in college,” Secretary Kemp said, who was leading in the race for governor by less than two percentage points as the final votes came in. “Ask anybody.”
“I used to love to do that thing where you point at someone’s shirt and then they look down and you tweak their nose – I’m always clowning around. And computer jokes are a big part of my material. Like the IT guy in Dilbert – he always has something funny to say about their computer systems. I guess in hindsight, I could have made that more clear.”
Never Anything To Worry About
“Lucky for us, the Georgia voting system is one of the most secure systems in the world,” said the secretary, “which is what I thought made that prank so hilarious. Of course, everyone can trust that the vote totals are absolutely correct. Congratulations to all the winners.”
As of press time, the secretary, wearing a joy buzzer and carrying a rubber snake, was seen waiting outside the door to the Georgia State Office office building, so that he could rush in and certify the results the minute they opened.
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