YOUR BEDROOM –
In what otherwise was an uneventful and restful sleep in your king-size bed featuring a Serta mattress, your dreams unexpectedly took a turn last night when German Chancellor Angela Merkel emerged from a forbidding forest to give you the location of a crucial cheat code for Red Dead Redemption 2.
Mysterious Appearance, Then Gone
The Chancellor, who said nothing as she motioned to the cheat code location floating in the text box beside her, waited patiently for you to read the instructions before nodding at you with a knowing look, in eager anticipation of your future video game conquests.
Although bewildered by the sudden good fortune, and wishing to thank the current head of the Federal Republic of Germany, your outstretched arms to embrace her fell on empty air as preternaturally, she turned and receded into the wild foliage from whence she came.
As your heart beat faster and you scanned the horizon for any sign of the 64-year-old defacto leader of the European Union, you felt a sense of longing that was all too familiar, yet strange.
You would not be mounting a bareback horse together, riding thru a freezing rain to New Austin to gun down several enemies of the Van Der Linde Gang outside a local saloon.
You would not be sharing a whiskey afterward, as the piano player played a ragtime melody, and the raucous sounds of the town folk faded into the sound design of an underwater heartbeat overlaying a trance synthesizer riff.
You would never feel the passion of an awkward yet tender embrace of the Leader of the Christian Democratic Union.
Only The Code
No, you will only have the cheat code instructions. And the long, solitary, hours searching for a muskrat in a ravine, on whose body is tattooed the code that will give you unlimited access to flint.
Yes, in the end you will have only the code. And the flint.
And the memory of sweet Chancellor Angela Merkel.
Editor’s note: Make America The Best was in no way compensated for the egregious plug for Serta mattresses in the first paragraph of this article. However, we wish to express that the name of the mattress maker in the story can be readily changed to the name of any mattress maker, or other bed accessory manufacturer, or manufacturer of any kind whatsoever, who wishes to make an offer of money to this publication.
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