THE WHITE HOUSE –

After consulting with top level members of his cabinet, and seeing no other alternative out of a dire situation, the president today ended the 3 week old government shutdown in hopes of averting a nationwide cheeseburger shortage.

The shortage of cheeseburgers, a result of the furloughing of FDA administrators involved in importing lettuce, tomato and onion, as well as Department of Transportation officials who coordinate beef shipments to the US capital, visibly alarmed the president when he was briefed earlier this morning.

Taking Immediate Action

Quickly calling a press conference to address the situation, the president said he would “sign any documents necessary” to ensure the robust supply of quality cheeseburgers to the country, and demanded the Democrats have a budget on his desk by 2:30 pm.

The measure to reopen the government, which does not include proposed funding for a border wall but does contain 200% pay raises for all members of congress, is expected to pass both the House and Senate with bipartisan support.

 
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