FOXBORO, MA –
Adding on to an amazing home field record that dwarfs the advantages of other NFL franchises, the New England Patriots today chalked up yet another victory at Gillette Stadium over a team using headsets to call their plays into the quarterback.
The Patriots, who’ve won an amazing 110 games with only 20 losses since their new stadium opened in 2002, are something of a modern mystery.
“It’s amazing how they seem to win again and against teams relying on communicating their plays over audio wires that run from the field up to the press box,” said statistician Roy Berkheiser of the NFL fan page Watch Dawgs. “It’s almost as if they can read the opposing teams’ minds.”
“It’s truly uncanny.”
Age Not A Problem
Despite their best players being much older than the league average, somehow the Pats just keep getting it done at home against teams who speak into microphones to transmit their plays to players on the field.
“Some of the Patriots stars even struggle to walk. But I guess it’s kind of like you see in wrestling where an old guy can beat a much younger, faster, and stronger guy,” said Mr. Berkheiser. “Look at Hulk Hogan – he’s been wrestling for four decades and he still wins matches at 65 years of age. It just goes to show you.”
Will Be Back Next Year
Although the Chargers were unable to outfox the Patriots this year, a team spokesman said they would go back to the drawing board and try to crack the code of how to beat them at home.
“Rest assured, when our defensive and offensive coordinators start calling plays into their headsets next year during playoff time in Foxboro, they will have had a whole year to come up with a totally different game plan,” said one of the Chargers’ assistant coaches.
“It’s only a matter of time before the Patriot’s luck at guessing which plays are coming next runs out.”
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