ATLANTA, GA –

In an amazing show of grit and determination, a team of old guys who can barely run up and down a football field pulled off the impossible this week as they won a championship match using the power of the mind.

“Many people scoff at clairvoyance,” said Psychic Medium and Tarot Card Reader Shanelle Bistro, “but the evidence is now indisputable. How else could a collection of players way past their prime manage to win over and over against younger and stronger teams?”

“The answer can only be: they can see the future.”

Martin Cresperger of the Scotland Center For Clairvoyance And Mind Control agreed. “I hope this American football contest will finally be the nail in the coffin for all the doubters who questioned our research.”

“Clearly the other teams are no match for an opponent who knows which play they are calling next. This sports team has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt they are clairvoyant. Mankind can now embrace the fact that humans possess this awesome power, as this collection of over-the-hill athletes so obviously demonstrates.”

While it was unclear who on the Patriots coaching staff possessed the power to see the future, sources say they were forced to turn over their press pass, asked to leave the building, and told to never show their face around here again.

 
 
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