WASHINGTON, DC –

After two years of attacks that have depleted the energy reserves of the administration and sown confusion and chaos in its ranks, the White House today called off its war on irony, concluding that the conflict was only making irony more difficult to defeat.

“The president has done an excellent job of advancing toward his goals while appearing to get further away from accomplishing them,” said White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders. “But in doing so, he has realized that not having goals in the first place would be the best way to avoid failing to reach them.” The White House then presented 400 blank pieces of paper as evidence they were getting more done. 

Although the president has decided to cease hostilities with irony effective immediately, the press secretary said he would continue to focus his energies on previous administration plans to defeat steely, goldy and tinny.”

 
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