Forum Of CEOs Announces Kinder, Gentler Looting Of Nation’s Wealth

Forum Of CEOs Announces Kinder, Gentler Looting Of Nation’s Wealth


A consortium of CEOs meeting to formulate a new approach to managing the world’s largest companies announced a joint decree this week calling for a more humane extraction of the country’s treasure.

“Collectively, we realized that we have a responsibility to the human beings we oversee to behave responsibly as we help ourselves to vast sums of money on an unprecedented scale in human history,” said Amazon founder Jeff Bezos.

“Basically, we realized that the optics of us taking all the money, and doing things like building an entire rocket to send a sports car around the sun, were not looking good,” said one CEO who agreed to speak off the record, “so we hired some people who came up with this thing.”

While the CEOs recognized they needed to do something to address the the most extreme wealth inequality ever seen on earth, they also called on average people to do more, too. “This has to be a two-way street,” said another attendee to the forum. “My personal net worth may be higher than the GDP of 30 countries in Africa, but if you asked the people in those countries who’s fault that was, I think they would agree, that’s on them.”

As of press time, the forum’s leaders were putting the finishing touches on a PR initiative using the headline “Please Do Not Eat Us.”
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