BEIJING – Using the massive 1.2 trillion dollars of US treasury bills it owns as collateral, the Chinese government today announced it will step in and purchase thousands of American farms that are going bankrupt due to the ongoing trade war waged by President Trump. As prices continue to drop for farmers due to retaliations […]
VOLGOGRAD, RUSSIA – An army of Russian Bots, responsible for wreaking havoc on elections and fomenting discord around the globe, has announced a new fragrance line this week for men and women. The new scent, called Smelnik, immediately garnered 1.3 million likes on Twitter and Facebook upon its announcement, and was trending heavily across […]
NEW YORK, NY – In the wake of controversy over a Superbowl ad for Dodge trucks that used a Martin Luther King Jr. speech as its soundtrack, Chevrolet decided this week against airing a new commercial for their Silverado line of pickups featuring the voice of Mahatma Gandhi exhorting the people of India to […]
SESAME STREET, NY – With an eye toward introducing the concept of cryptocurrency to young viewers, and possibly creating a new global monetary vehicle for the storage of wealth, Sesame Street today announced the creation of Bertcoin, a new digital currency. Like many companies that have watched bitcoin and other internet currencies take off, Sesame […]
WALL STREET – In an effort to better tailor its brand image to a more upscale clientele who have the resources to purchase its stocks, the Dow Jones Industrial Average today announced a rebranding initiative and name change to “Dow Jones Elite”. “A Stock Metric For The Discerning Buyer” “We’ve found that many […]
WASHINGTON, DC – Since taking office as Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson has worked tirelessly to cut what he sees as the bloated bureaucracy of the US State Department, reducing the list of duties and assignments, causing many long time foreign service workers to resign or retire. In a move to further clamp down […]
DOVER, DELAWARE – While the decision of the Federal Communications Commission to eliminate net neutrality was questioned by many people, cable companies across the country were excited to announce a new slate of websites you don’t want to visit that will now be part of your home internet package. Even More Great Content […]
WASHINGTON DC – Although normally quite busy, especially during the Halloween season, the Devil this week has agreed to step in and settle your dispute over a $40 overdraft fee that your bank said was valid, even though you know that you had deposited funds the day before to cover it. Too Good […]
KILLAPSEE, NY – A local family finally opened their dream restaurant in downtown Killapsee on Tuesday to share their grandma’s home cooking with the rest of the world, before promptly shutting it down forever Tuesday night vowing never to return. “This was all a terrible, terrible, terrible mistake,” said Joe Mermanucci, one of four […]
SUSQUATANA, NM – It’s no secret that the airlines have been shrinking the size of passenger seats for years, but for one man, the result has proven disastrous. Brian Middlehouse had just manage to wedge himself into his seat on a recent flight as the cabin crew began their final prep for takeoff, when he […]