Trump Lashes Out At John Lewis Department Store, Calls Store Crummy

Trump Lashes Out At John Lewis Department Store, Calls Store Crummy

WASHINGTON, DC – After a stinging comment from Congressman John Lewis on NBC’s Meet the Press, in which Mr. Lewis said he did not believe President-Elect Trump was legitimately elected due to Russian interference, Trump took to Twitter this morning and lashed out at beloved UK department store John Lewis. The department store, which opened […]

Ben Carson Not Thinking About Announcing New HUD Pyramid Grain Silos

Ben Carson Not Thinking About Announcing New HUD Pyramid Grain Silos

WASHINGTON DC – The Department of Housing and Urban Development announced Wednesday that Secretary Ben Carson is not mulling over using a portion of the Housing and Urban Development budget to construct grain silos in the form of giant stone pyramids on the edge of the nation’s capital. “No, he is not thinking about that […]

White House To Let Putin Come Over, But Trump Will Select Movie

White House To Let Putin Come Over, But Trump Will Select Movie

WASHINGTON, DC – In a carefully negotiated deal hammered out over several months with the Kremlin, the White House today announced that while it is OK for Russian President Vladimir Putin to come over, President Trump will get to pick the movie. The movie night had been the subject of closed door negotiations by the […]

Animal Gun Ownership Up 40 Percent Following Las Vegas Shooting

Animal Gun Ownership Up 40 Percent Following Las Vegas Shooting

  UNITED STATES, EARTH – Fearing for their safety in the wake of the Las Vegas shootings, and amid concerns that their second amendment rights are under attack, animal gun ownership is up sharply in the US across large sections of the country, in some places as high as 50% over previous years. Mert Bolieau, […]

Hamptons Announce Construction Of More Exclusive “New Hamptons”

Hamptons Announce Construction Of More Exclusive “New Hamptons”

THE HAMPTONS, NEW YORK – Responding to a growing need among wealthy residents to enlarge their estates in The Hamptons area of Long Island, The Hamptons have announced construction of approximately 250 square miles of new island that will begin where The Hamptons currently ends. Dubbed “New Hamptons,” the new land area will feature estates […]

President Announces 2018 Plan To Increase Levels By +25.0 dB

President Announces 2018 Plan To Increase Levels By +25.0 dB

  WASHINGTON, DC – In a ceremony at his Mar-A-Lago Resort attended by many well-wishers, President-elect Donald Trump announced today his 2018 plan to increase his overall decibel level for the year by +25.0 dB.   Not Currently Loud Enough “The American people need to hear exactly what President Trump is saying, when he says […]

Scooby Doo Inadvertently Reveals Lair of Lizard People Ruling US

Scooby Doo Inadvertently Reveals Lair of Lizard People Ruling US

WASHINGTON DC – Lovable cartoon dog Scooby Doo this weekend inadvertently exposed to the world a race of lizard people that have been secretly running the United States government for decades, sources say. During recent  filming for an episode of his new reality TV show “Rangerous”, Scooby encountered a rabbit which he chased into a […]

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