President Trump Announces Historic Getting Out Of Bed

President Trump Announces Historic Getting Out Of Bed

  WASHINGTON, DC – The White House media team was in overdrive yesterday as President Trump called an impromptu news conference to announce another historic accomplishment for the administration: his getting out of bed. The President gathered his cabinet and generals together in the Rose Garden within one hour of rising, to be sure that […]

Trump Revelation: I Taught Chuck Berry How To Play Guitar

Trump Revelation: I Taught Chuck Berry How To Play Guitar

  PALM BEACH, FL – Although the country continues to mourn the death of consummate songwriter, guitar virtuoso, and architect of Rock and Roll Chuck Berry, President Trump made a surprise revelation at his Mar-A-Lago resort Saturday. It was, in fact, a young President Trump who had taught Chuck Berry how to play guitar in […]

GOP Reassures Americans: Fear Of Poverty Will Keep You Healthy

GOP Reassures Americans: Fear Of Poverty Will Keep You Healthy

  WASHINGTON DC – GOP lawmakers released some positive news Tuesday as they sought to reassure the 24 million Americans who stand to lose their health insurance under the new Republican plan to repeal Obamacare: rest assured, all will be well. “It’s understandable that Americans losing their insurance under our plan will be concerned about […]


Trump Spaceship Almost Ready For Departure

Trump Spaceship Almost Ready For Departure

  THE EARTH – Summoned via Twitter from across the galaxy, a spacecraft dubbed “Jezebel” by its owner, President Donald Trump, was undergoing final preparations Wednesday to take its occupant into the farthest reaches of the known universe. “In my first 47 days as president, I have improved the United States beyond measure, as well […]

Trump Agrees With Coachman: Kids Don’t Need Their Parents!

Trump Agrees With Coachman: Kids Don’t Need Their Parents!

  WASHINGTON DC – In a bold departure from millennia of human experience, President Donald Trump decided this week that kids are better off being separated from their parents. Breaking with a long-standing policy of the United States Immigration Services, which established that children who cross the border with their parents should stay with their […]