President Trump Swears Unholy Vengeance Upon All Canadian Cows

President Trump Swears Unholy Vengeance Upon All Canadian Cows

  OTTAWA, CANADA – In a remarkable departure from presidential decorum, Donald Trump today unsettled the Washington establishment when he was overcome with a terrible fervor in the Lincoln bedroom, swearing to the heavens that he would visit all manner of evil upon the bovine population of the United State’s northernmost neighbor, or die in […]

President Revokes Security Clearance Of Macaulay Culkin

President Revokes Security Clearance Of Macaulay Culkin

  THE PENTAGON – Lashing out at what he saw as a threat to national security after being told of an unflattering comment about himself, President Donald Trump today revoked all security privileges for the Home Alone child star MacCauley Culkin, effective immediately. Although Mr. Culkin has no security privileges or access to government classified […]

Papa John’s Founder Accuses Colonel Sanders Of Bestiality

Papa John’s Founder Accuses Colonel Sanders Of Bestiality

  LOUISVILLE, KY – In a continuation of the turbulent events surrounding the founder of Papa John’s Pizza, John Schnatter, the ex-CEO today followed up his accusation that the beloved icon of the Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise used the “N-word” with claims that Colonel Sanders had been seen sexually cavorting with animals.   “Using N-word […]

President Nominates Scumbag Steve For Supreme Court Justice

President Nominates Scumbag Steve For Supreme Court Justice

  WASHINGTON DC – In the wake of Justice Anthony Kennedy’s announced retirement from the US Supreme Court, President Trump moved swiftly today to nominate internet meme Scumbag Steve as the replacement for the 81-year old judge.   Met At A Key Party At Mar-A-Lago The president, a longtime fan of the erstwhile internet sensation, […]

Republicans Pretty Sure This Whole Gun Thing Will Blow Over Soon

  UNITED STATES – While recognizing that firearms are an important issue, Republicans this week said they’re reasonably certain people are blowing this whole gun thing way out of proportion at the moment, and are confident the country will settle down and return to accepting mass shootings in the United States as normal real soon. […]


Trump Hoping To Ride Putin Win To Victory In 2018 Midterms

Trump Hoping To Ride Putin Win To Victory In 2018 Midterms

  WASHINGTON, DC – Citing a strong showing by Vladimir Putin, who won a fourth term as Russian President by garnering over 73% of the popular vote, President Trump believes Republicans will carry that momentum into the 2018 midterms and defeat the Democrats. “People love winning, and Putin won big,” said the President. “Our many […]

GOP Experiments With New “Throw Bums Back Into Office” Campaign

GOP Experiments With New “Throw Bums Back Into Office” Campaign

  WASHINGTON DC – Although currently in control of both Houses of Congress and the presidency, Republicans have abandoned their previous campaign strategy of convincing voters to throw incumbents out of office, and have begun testing a new approach for the 2018 midterms. The strategy, dubbed “Throw The Bums Back Into Office,” is designed to […]