Action Bronson To Head New US Department of Ancient Astronauts

Action Bronson To Head New US Department of Ancient Astronauts

ANNAPOLIS, MD – In a sign of the incoming Trump administration’s priorities, Homeland Security today announced the creation of a new Department of Ancient Astronauts, and said that noted rapper, chef, and ancient astronauts authority Action Bronson had been tapped as its new chief. Long a subject of controversy, inter-planetary visits from aliens in the […]

N.C. GOP Accused Of Gerrymandering House Racquetball Tourney

N.C. GOP Accused Of Gerrymandering House Racquetball Tourney

  RALEIGH, NC – In news today out of North Carolina, prosecutors announced several State House GOP leaders have been accused of gerrymandering the famous “NC House Challenge” annual racquetball tournament. Sources say the tournament, held annually at the Raleigh Athletic Sauna and Baths since 1904, concluded last month with 7 “Co-Champions” being announced at […]

Doorknob Declares It Will Run for President in 2020

Doorknob Declares It Will Run for President in 2020

COUNCIL BLUFFS, IA – Anticipating a wide open race in the coming years, a doorknob in Council Bluffs, Iowa, has become the first candidate out of the gate to declare its candidacy for the 2020 United States presidential election. The doorknob, a Craftsman-style knob mounted on a bronze escutcheon, does not identify with a particular […]

Polar Bears Being Wiped Out As Part of Intelligent Design, Insists Local Kansas School Board

Polar Bears Being Wiped Out As Part of Intelligent Design, Insists Local Kansas School Board

BROWNSVILLE, KS – In response to increased attention being paid in classrooms to the plight of polar bears in a shrinking habitat, the School Board of Brownsville Township recently advised teachers to provide not only scientific reasons for the animals’ situation, but to also spend time presenting the theory that polar bears are being wiped […]