UNITED STATES – Alarmed by recent scientific studies claiming the negative health effects of alcohol outweigh the overall benefits, people across the nation today began contributing money to fund a study more favorable to drinking alcohol. Scientists Have No Clue While traditionally Americans have taken warnings from health-related studies in stride, many posters […]
CAIRO, EGYPT – State of the art imaging tools used to scan subterranean passages in the Sinai Peninsula yielded an amazing discovery last month as a team of scientists uncovered what appears to be several hieroglyphics depicting actor, director and producer Danny DeVito. The Ancient Court Of Padyspub II The stone carvings, part of […]
WASHINGTON, DC – Chafing under years of scientific reporting on the catastrophic effects that cigarette smoking has on human health, President Trump today announced that “contrary to what fake news would have you believe, cigarettes are definitely not bad for your health. In fact, they are actually very good for you.” Smoking his way […]
WASHINGTON DC – Saying he has long been searching for a way to further the cause of space exploration while keeping his promise to cut the federal budget in half, President Trump announced today that he had found a solution for NASA. The answer: tiny astronauts. Tiny Astronauts Do Not Take Up Much Room […]
LOUISVILLE, KY – Doctors at the Louisville Medical Research Center anounced this week that its OK to have 6-5 drinks in a siting and 7 is OK to. The doctors were surorunded by lots of equipmint and test tubse, and said they had been done a lot of studying and they say its OK […]
FLAGSTAFF, AZ – High above the Arizona desert, a western-banded gecko forages for food along the base of a Seguaro cactus. The lizard seems unconcerned that just a few meters away, the giant lens of a 34-inch refracting telescope quietly hums as it adjusts to the changing night sky. And so the quiet work […]
ST LOUIS, MO – Back when dial-up connections were the only means of accessing the world wide web, and hearing “You’ve Got Mail” was the first experience many had with the new technology, America Online was the conduit of choice for most Americans to connect to the internet. And just as the cyber criminals […]
EARTH – Humankind was saved from impending extinction on Thursday when Millennials around the globe agreed via text that they would set down their phones long enough to do what was necessary to procreate. The agreement, which started via Snapchat, migrated to WhatsApp and was finalized in SMS, outlined the terms of Millennial participation […]
STANFORD UNIVERSITY – Scientists stunned the confectionery world today by announcing that after years of effort, which exacted a terrible personal toll on the researchers involved, they had finally succeeded in producing a Triple-Frosty Nerd in the laboratory. The team of researchers, led by Dr. Anton Scopashurli, had been working around the clock for almost […]
SANTA MONICA, CA – Passersby on a Santa Monica street were treated to an unexpected sight in the early morning hours Tuesday when they came upon a man in an alleyway that reportedly looked a lot like Kanye West shooting lightning bolts from his fingers. At approximately 1AM, local resident Saam Ibril had just left […]