Sage Grouse Prepare To Defend Alaskan Territory

Sage Grouse Prepare To Defend Alaskan Territory

JUNEAU, ALASKA – As the Trump administration moved forward with its plan to strip away protections for an imperiled ground-nesting bird that oil companies have long considered an obstacle to some of the richest deposits in the American West, the sage grouse, left with few options, began preparations to defend its way of life. Gathering […]

Trump Delivers Historic Schittysberg Address

Trump Delivers Historic Schittysberg Address

  SCHITTYSBERG, KY – Although frequently maligned for not knowing the significance of American history, or the proper decorum for a sitting president, Donald Trump today delivered an impassioned speech to commemorate the anniversary of President Lincoln’s “Gettysberg Address” in the town of Schittysberg, Kentucky, only a half mile from where Senate Majority Leader Mitch […]

President Calls In Army To Put Down #WorldKindnessDay Celebrations

President Calls In Army To Put Down #WorldKindnessDay Celebrations

  WASHINGTON DC – Fearing the spread of camaraderie and general goodwill among US citizens that takes place during the annual observance #WorldKindnessDay, President Trump called in 10,000 US soldiers to the nation’s capital to monitor events for any unusual behavior. Citing unpredictable acts such as “THE BIG HUG,” and handing out Kindness Cards to […]

RBG Admits Broken Ribs Sustained During Ultimate Fighting Match

RBG Admits Broken Ribs Sustained During Ultimate Fighting Match

  WASHINGTON DC – After reporters uncovered a series of training videos showing her sparring in a cage, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg admitted today that she had not fallen in her office according to news reports, but in fact had sustained three broken ribs pummeling an opponent in an underground ultimate fighting ring. […]


Nation’s 911 Operators Overwhelmed As YouTube Experiences Brief Outage

Nation’s 911 Operators Overwhelmed As YouTube Experiences Brief Outage

  UNITED STATES – Dramatically exposing a serious vulnerability in the nation’s emergency response system, millions of 911 calls overwhelmed dispatchers across the country last night after a brief outage of the video hosting platform YouTube prompted a torrent of calls.   Caught Completely Off-Guard The Google-owned service had been down for several minutes when […]

Mike Pompeo Assumes New Duties As Director Of Menu Book

Mike Pompeo Assumes New Duties As Director Of Menu Book

  WASHINGTON DC – Fresh on the heels of an administration victory in the Senate, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo took the opportunity of some menus being passed around in the cabinet room to appoint himself to the newly created position Director of Menu Book. A spokesperson for the State Department outlined the duties of […]