Hulk Hogan To Join President’s Legal Defense Team

Hulk Hogan To Join President’s Legal Defense Team

  JERSEY CITY, NJ – In a move to add more muscle to the group of lawyers preparing to defend him against possible allegations from the Mueller investigation, President Trump today announced that Hulk Hogan would join his legal defense “Lightening Strike Force Team”. “The Hulkster is well known in legal circles which many people […]

Bleary-Eyed Americans Confront Yet Another Pitiless News Day

Bleary-Eyed Americans Confront Yet Another Pitiless News Day

  UNITED STATES – Rising from their beds with nowhere else to go, and no prospects of relief in sight, Americans across the country staggered this morning into the oncoming headlights of yet another blitzkrieg of daily news. “For the love of God, make it stop,” said Alfred Tennysol, a UX developer for a hotel […]

News Break: Trump Missiles Slime Ball Porn Star Great Again

News Break: Trump Missiles Slime Ball Porn Star Great Again

WASHINGTON DC – In news out of Washington this week, President Trump missiles slime ball porn star Mexicans, Putin skyscraper prostitutes urinate contestants groping winning. While Washington insiders say it’s true that trips to country club fired resigning leaks spelling tweet Fox, sources report that totally lies Hillary weak completely witch hunt loser dopey.   […]

President Dismisses HR McMaster, Hires HR PufnStuf to Oversee National Security

President Dismisses HR McMaster, Hires HR PufnStuf to Oversee National Security

  THE PENTAGON – After a tumultuous year working with General HR McMaster as National Security Advisor, President Trump announced he would be replacing him with TV personality and tactician HR Pufnstuf. Let’s see how they compare.   H.R. McMaster United States Army Lieutenant General and Former National Security Advisor to President Donald Trump.   […]

Fears On The Right Justified As Cultural Marxists Infiltrate Government

Fears On The Right Justified As Cultural Marxists Infiltrate Government

  WASHINGTON DC – Although he was fired from his job at the National Security Council for a memo detailing the “deep state conspiracy by Cultural Marxists,” ex-director of strategic planning Rich Higgins proved prescient in his predictions this week when several Marxists were discovered to have infiltrated the highest ranks of government. The accused […]

Nation’s Underperforming Schools To Be Converted Into Amway Distributorships

Nation’s Underperforming Schools To Be Converted Into Amway Distributorships

  WASHINGTON DC – In a move designed to spark initiative and entrepreneurial spirit in the nation’s most challenged classrooms, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos announced today that poor children across America will no longer receive traditional classroom instruction, and instead will begin training to sell Amway products full time. Ms. DeVos, who is married to […]

Bone Spur Attack Forces President To Abandon Gun Legislation

Bone Spur Attack Forces President To Abandon Gun Legislation

WASHINGTON DC – In an unfortunate case of a chronic medical condition shaping US domestic policy, an ill-timed bone spur attack has thwarted President Trump’s pursuit of gun legislation to save the children of our nation’s schools. “Oh boy, these are some bad ones,” the president said. “Really bad – I mean these are terrible […]

Local Man Worried Smart Phone May Be Giving Him Commands

Local Man Worried Smart Phone May Be Giving Him Commands

  SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After a busy day of sight-seeing this week in the famous “City By The Bay,” college student and part-time barista Riley Kraner was reviewing the pictures he took on his smart phone while eating dinner, when he noticed something strange. “I had gone through a guidebook the night before in […]