President Bans Use of Prepositions On Twitter

President Bans Use of Prepositions On Twitter

Unhappy at repeated criticism surrounding his use of grammar on Twitter, President Trump today lashed out at what he termed “PC Fake English” and said he is banning all extra words on social media. “The Fake News thinks they are so good with grammar – but they use too many words that take up valuable […]

Elite Ivy League Water Polo Players Admit Not Really A Thing

Elite Ivy League Water Polo Players Admit Not Really A Thing

  Under questioning in the wake of college admissions scandals sweeping the country, water polo players from several prestigious Ivy League universities called a press conference today to announce that water polo is not really a sport. “There is no such thing as water polo,” said Brock Gavin, captain of the Yale water polo club, […]

Death Panel To Pull Plug On Corporations Making Billions

Death Panel To Pull Plug On Corporations Making Billions

  UNITED STATES – Saying they were fed up with the rising costs of health care, Americans this week began assembling a death panel to oversee the difficult decision of when a corporation must be taken off machines pumping billions of dollars into its bank accounts.   Life-Giving Hoses “Obviously these are very sobering decisions,” […]

President Resigns After Photo Surfaces Showing Him In Orange Face

President Resigns After Photo Surfaces Showing Him In Orange Face

  WASHINGTON DC – Demonstrating that no one is immune from the repercussions of youthful indiscretions, President Trump this week was forced to resign when a photo surfaced showing him dressed up in orange face during his college years, presumably as a joke. After initially apologizing for wearing the orange makeup as a prank, and […]

Trump Orders National Guard To Begin Work On Giant Cheeseburger

Trump Orders National Guard To Begin Work On Giant Cheeseburger

  WASHINGTON DC – In response to growing levels of frustration with congress’ refusal to fund his administration’s initiatives, President Trump this week ordered the National Guard to begin construction on what he said was a top infrastructure priority: an eight-story cheeseburger on the banks of the Potomac river. Taken aback by the president’s sudden […]

Attack On Socialism Prompts Millions Of Teens To Google How To Become Socialist

Attack On Socialism Prompts Millions Of Teens To Google How To Become Socialist

  UNITED STATES – During his State Of The Union address, the president’s impassioned plea for Americans to reject the evils of socialism triggered an unexpected response Tuesday as millions of teens across the country immediately searched the internet for the fastest way to become one. Seth Granula who oversees keyword traffic at Google’s headquarters […]


White House Scales Back Wall Proposal, Eliminates Catapults

White House Scales Back Wall Proposal, Eliminates Catapults

  WASHINGTON DC – In the interest of forging a compromise with Democrats on the wall between Mexico, the White House announced this week that they are removing a provision calling for 2,500 catapults that were meant to defend the wall against invading immigrants in the event of a siege. “We are being more than […]

Roger Stone’s Dog Arrested On Weapons Charges

Roger Stone’s Dog Arrested On Weapons Charges

  FT. LAUDERDALE, FL – In what’s sure to be a test case for the Supreme Court, a dog belonging to Roger Stone was arrested outside his Fort Lauderdale home this afternoon brandishing a 9mm handgun in front of a crowd of children. While Mr. Stone’s dog was taken into custody peacefully, a search of […]