Frustrated Area 51 Visitors Promised UFO Rides, Given Skateboards
Fool me once, shame on you. makeamericathebest.com Your…
Dog Owner Shuts Front Door, Transforms Into New Human Never Seen Before
“If only my owner were here to see this.”…
Michael Bolton To Replace John Bolton As National Security Advisor
Appearing 7 nights a week at Mar A Lago…
Jonathan Taylor Exits Tampa Stadium Runs Over Hurricane Dorian
After scoring 4 touchdowns in a convincing victory over…
President Clarifies He In Favor Of Background Chicks
Clearing up a widely misunderstood statement following the tragic…
New Poll Shows Americans Still Confident Rich People Will Save Them
A new survey released by the non-partisan pollster Statum…
Local Man Not Worried About Trade War Since All His Stuff Comes From Walmart
Although it has many Americans concerned, President Trump’s provocations…
Mar A Lagoon Club Announces Grand Opening In 2035
A consortium of developers in Palm Beach, Florida, this…
Astronomer Apologizes For Leaving Cherry Lifesaver On Telescope Lens
SANTIAGO, CHILE – A little known astronomer working at…
Mars Rover Finds Newspaper Warning Of Dire Effects Of Climate Change
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – Scientists at NASA’s Jet Propulsion…
Jesus Returns To Earth, Finally Avenges Himself On The Onion
THE EARTH – Vowing to mete out punishment to those…
Book Club Decides It’s Actually A Wine Club, Ditches Books Altogether
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – After a year of dutifully meeting…
Bruce Springsteen Shuts Down US Government, Returns Land To Indians
Frustrated by his country’s inability to get on anything resembling a path to common decency despite decades of effort, singer-songwriter…
Supportive First Lady Decides To “Go Back To Country She Came From”
WASHINGTON DC – Embracing an idea first floated by her mercurial husband, who implored several House Democrats to return to…
Confused President Trump Lands In Japan, Salutes Hello Kitty Mascot
TOKYO, JAPAN – After a long flight aboard Air Force One to begin his 12 day tour of Asia, President…
Inspiring: Robert Smith Teaches Morehouse Graduates Concept Of Speaking Metaphorically
Props to benevolent billionaire investor and former chemical engineer Robert F. Smith who took time out of his busy schedule…
Health Experts Report: Janties Leading Cause Of Jeast Infections
But people are still itching to buy them. …
Bee Looking Forward To Dinosaurs Ruling Planet Again
As bees everywhere continue to dwindle in numbers as…
