Man Leaning On Bicycle With Folded Arms Doesn’t Feel Like Spitting Today
PRINCETON, NJ – Leaving his home recording studio behind…
New Bacheroulette Show To Select Husband At Random
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After 15 years of experimentation, the…
White House Nominates Black Judge, Apologizes For Clerical Error
WASHINGTON, DC – Given the fast pace at which…
New “America First Bucks” To Replace Dollar As US Currency
WASHINGTON DC – The US Treasury announced this week that…
Crooked Referees Cheer Decision To Legalize Sports Betting
UNITED STATES – Across the country this week, referees,…
Dennis Rodman Nominated For Nobel Prize For Bringing End To Korean War
STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN – The Swedish Nobel Committee on behalf…
Bleary-Eyed Americans Confront Yet Another Pitiless News Day
UNITED STATES – Rising from their beds with nowhere…
Egyptologists Discover Ancient Danny DeVito Hieroglyphs In Pharaoh’s Tomb
CAIRO, EGYPT – State of the art imaging tools used…
Jesus Returns To Earth, Finally Avenges Himself On The Onion
THE EARTH – Vowing to mete out punishment to those…
Americans Working Harder Than Ever To Pretend They Don’t See UFOs
UNITED STATES – In a big change from what used…
Book Club Decides It’s Actually A Wine Club, Ditches Books Altogether
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – After a year of dutifully meeting…
Penguins Fed Up With Climate Change, Head North To Kick Some Major Ass
ANTARCTICA – Fed up with years of inactivity by…
President Trump Unable To Spell His Name On G7 Statement
QUEBEC CITY – Despite repeated coaching from the six other allied leaders on how to form the individual letters that…
Pokèmon Go Homeless Population Straining Nation’s Resources
UNITED STATES – The year 2016 is mostly remembered for the historic US presidential election. But there was another front…
Hulk Hogan To Join President’s Legal Defense Team
JERSEY CITY, NJ – In a move to add more muscle to the group of lawyers preparing to defend him…
Crazy People Demanding To See President Glad NRA Protecting Their Rights
WASHINGTON DC – As the nation grieves the shooting deaths of four people in a Nashville restaurant by an assailant…
White House Lawyers Declare Ban On Israelis Is Legal, Alt Right Rejoices
WASHINGTON DC – Saying they always knew the president…
Trump Vows To Punish Canada Until China Comes To Its Senses
WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump demonstrated his resolute…
