Make America The Best

Trump Vows To Punish US Farmers Until China Comes To Its Senses

WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump demonstrated his resolute commitment to reining in trade deficits with China this week by…

By Bureau Correspondent on August 2, 2018Comments Off on Trump Vows To Punish US Farmers Until China Comes To Its Senses

Papa John’s Founder Accuses Colonel Sanders Of Bestiality

LOUISVILLE, KY – In a continuation of the turbulent events surrounding the founder of Papa John’s Pizza, John Schnatter, the…

By Bureau Correspondent on July 13, 2018Comments Off on Papa John’s Founder Accuses Colonel Sanders Of Bestiality

87% Of US Children Already Forgetting Trump Presidency

UNITED STATES – Although the subject of a recent poll is the current President of the United States, a random…

By Bureau Correspondent on July 8, 2018Comments Off on 87% Of US Children Already Forgetting Trump Presidency

President Trump Unable To Spell His Name On G7 Statement

QUEBEC CITY – Despite repeated coaching from the six other allied leaders on how to form the individual letters that…

By Bureau Correspondent on June 10, 2018Comments Off on President Trump Unable To Spell His Name On G7 Statement

Republicans Reveal Cold War Was Just Big Misunderstanding

UNITED STATES – Although the period after World War…

By Bureau Correspondent on July 24, 2018Comments Off on Republicans Reveal Cold War Was Just Big Misunderstanding

Trump And Putin Face Off In Debate To Become President Of Helsinki

HELSINKI, FINLAND – Held beneath banners announcing the upcoming…

By Bureau Correspondent on July 17, 2018Comments Off on Trump And Putin Face Off In Debate To Become President Of Helsinki

Nation Desperate For Voice Of Moral Authority Turns To NBA Franchise

UNITED STATES – Beset by increasing monthly streaming subscription prices, stolen personal data, school-to-prison pipelines, runaway health care costs, and the endemic gerrymandering of its electoral power, the…

By Bureau Correspondent on March 30, 2018Comments Off on Nation Desperate For Voice Of Moral Authority Turns To NBA Franchise

Olympians Trash Olympic Village In Epic Kegger, Lose Damage Deposit

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA – Olympians celebrating the end of the 2018 Winter Games had a little bit of a ceremony hangover after their final night in Pyeongchang.…

By Bureau Correspondent on February 25, 2018Comments Off on Olympians Trash Olympic Village In Epic Kegger, Lose Damage Deposit

Man Leaning On Bicycle With Folded Arms Doesn’t Feel Like Spitting Today

PRINCETON, NJ – Leaving his home recording studio…

By Bureau Correspondent on June 5, 2018

White House Accidentally Nominates Black Judge, Apologizes For Clerical Error

WASHINGTON, DC – Given the fast pace at…

By Bureau Correspondent on May 29, 2018

New “America First Bucks” To Replace Dollar As US Currency

WASHINGTON DC – The US Treasury announced this week…

By Bureau Correspondent on May 20, 2018

Crooked Referees Cheer Decision To Legalize Sports Betting

UNITED STATES – Across the country this week,…

By Bureau Correspondent on May 15, 2018

Clairvoyant Lion Wishes He Could Forget Vision Of You ‘Floggin The Dolphin’

SAN DIEGO, CA – A twelve-year-old lion that…

By Bureau Correspondent on January 27, 2018

Senators Tom Cotton And David Perdue Enter Pi Memorization Contest

WASHINGTON DC – Two US Senators declared themselves…

By Bureau Correspondent on January 14, 2018

White House Announces Cigarettes Are Good For You

WASHINGTON, DC – Chafing under years of scientific…

By Bureau Correspondent on December 23, 2017

President Announces Plan To Send Tiny Astronauts To The Moon

WASHINGTON DC – Saying he has long been searching…

By Bureau Correspondent on December 12, 2017

Trump Enacts New Tariffs On Glitter In Wake Of Pride Celebrations

WASHINGTON DC – Saying that he has “no…

By Bureau Correspondent on June 25, 2018

Dennis Rodman Nominated For Nobel Prize For Bringing End To Korean War

STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN – The Swedish Nobel Committee on…

By Bureau Correspondent on May 11, 2018

White House Lawyers Declare Ban On Israelis Is Legal, Alt Right Rejoices

WASHINGTON DC – Saying they always knew the…

By Bureau Correspondent on April 27, 2018

Trump Vows To Punish Canada Until China Comes To Its Senses

WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump demonstrated his…

By Bureau Correspondent on March 6, 2018

South Dakota Man Burned By Yet Another Russian Spy Babe

DURBIN, SD – In the latest of a…

By Bureau Correspondent on July 19, 2018

Married Couple Shares Laugh At Each Other’s Fake Profiles On Tinder

MONTCLAIR, KY – Like the couple in the…

By Bureau Correspondent on May 18, 2018

Co-Worker Steve Institutes Casual Fridays Now That Boss Has Been Murdered

MENLO PARK, CA – Outlining a bright future…

By Bureau Correspondent on April 22, 2018

Don Corleone “Greatly Displeased” With FBI Seizure Of Cohen Files

LITTLE ITALY, NY – Saying he was “most…

By Bureau Correspondent on April 12, 2018

Chinese Government Agrees To Step In And Purchase Distressed US Farms

BEIJING – Using the massive 1.2 trillion dollars of US treasury bills it owns as collateral, the Chinese government today announced it will step…

By Bureau Correspondent on July 25, 2018Comments Off on Chinese Government Agrees To Step In And Purchase Distressed US Farms

Russian Bots Announce New Fragrance Line, Gets 1.3 Million Likes

VOLGOGRAD, RUSSIA – An army of Russian Bots, responsible for wreaking havoc on elections and fomenting discord around the globe, has announced a…

By Bureau Correspondent on February 20, 2018Comments Off on Russian Bots Announce New Fragrance Line, Gets 1.3 Million Likes

Chevrolet Decides To Pull Mahatma Gandhi Commercial For Silverado

NEW YORK, NY – In the wake of controversy over a Superbowl ad for Dodge trucks that used a Martin Luther King Jr.…

By Bureau Correspondent on February 6, 2018Comments Off on Chevrolet Decides To Pull Mahatma Gandhi Commercial For Silverado

Deactivating DON 9000

Make America The Best celebrates the 50th anniversary of the release of Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece, “2001: A Space Odyssey” with this re-imagining of the climactic scene featuring a…

By Bureau Correspondent on April 3, 2018Comments Off on Deactivating DON 9000

Broadway Musical “Burr” Closes After Tumultuous 1 Day Run

BROADWAY, NY – After a disappointing take at the box office and multiple distractions during a challenging opening…

By Bureau Correspondent on November 29, 2017

Letters From Our Readers

See what our readers have to say to Make America The Best…

By Patrick Riot on December 11, 2016

Local Toad Depressed, Feeling Out-Toaded By President Lately

KATCHATAW, IOWA – A local toad, who has made a name for himself as the ‘toadiest toad…

By Bureau Correspondent on July 17, 2018