Winston Churchill Accidentally Reincarnated As Idiot From Local Pub
LONDON, UK – Abruptly snatched from a well-earned rest…
Avengers: Endgame Surpasses US GDP To Become All-Time Biggest Number Ever
“Avengers: Endgame,” the Disney and Marvel juggernaut film, made…
New Poll Shows Americans Still Confident Rich People Will Save Them
A new survey released by the non-partisan pollster Statum…
Supportive First Lady Decides To “Go Back To Country She Came From”
WASHINGTON DC – Embracing an idea first floated by…
Local Man Not Worried About Trade War Since All His Stuff Comes From Walmart
Although it has many Americans concerned, President Trump’s provocations…
Mar A Lagoon Club Announces Grand Opening In 2035
A consortium of developers in Palm Beach, Florida, this…
Runner In Forest Really Glad Blair Witch Project Starting To Look Dated
Local runner Gloria Bernhausen was out on her evening jog…
White House Admits War On Irony Only Making Irony Stronger
WASHINGTON, DC – After two years of attacks that…
Astronomer Apologizes For Leaving Cherry Lifesaver On Telescope Lens
SANTIAGO, CHILE – A little known astronomer working at…
Bee Looking Forward To Dinosaurs Ruling Planet Again
As bees everywhere continue to dwindle in numbers as…
Mars Rover Finds Newspaper Warning Of Dire Effects Of Climate Change
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – Scientists at NASA’s Jet Propulsion…
Jesus Returns To Earth, Finally Avenges Himself On The Onion
THE EARTH – Vowing to mete out punishment to those…
Confused President Trump Lands In Japan, Salutes Hello Kitty Mascot
TOKYO, JAPAN – After a long flight aboard Air Force One to begin his 12 day tour of Asia, President…
Inspiring: Robert Smith Teaches Morehouse Graduates Concept Of Speaking Metaphorically
Props to benevolent billionaire investor and former chemical engineer Robert F. Smith who took time out of his busy schedule…
Alabama Passes Law Protecting Right Of Rapists To Spread Thru State’s Gene Pool
In a landmark law recognizing the rights of rapists to see their unborn progeny brought to term by their victims,…
President Enacts 100% Tariffs On All Countries Everywhere
Declaring you can never have too much of a good thing, President Trump today announced he will be enacting 100%…
Health Experts Report: Janties Leading Cause Of Jeast Infections
But people are still itching to buy them. …
Man Guesstimating 2/3 Cup Of Cereal Accurate To Within 1 Millionth Of Micron
A man pouring cereal into a bowl for his…
