Webster Announces 2019 Word Of The Year: “Exhonerassment”
Definition: The act of persecuting a person by telling…
Guinness Certifies Attorney General’s Report As World’s Longest Barcode
Make that “Barr” code. makeamericathebest.com Your Trusted Source…
White House Admits War On Irony Only Making Irony Stronger
WASHINGTON, DC – After two years of attacks that…
Astronomer Apologizes For Leaving Cherry Lifesaver On Telescope Lens
SANTIAGO, CHILE – A little known astronomer working at…
Report: This Photo Of Paint Drying Will Shock You
If you thought that was amazing, click on these…
Man Orders Glass Of Chateaubriand, Ending Tinder Date
Italian can be so confusing. makeamericathebest.com Your Trusted…
Bee Looking Forward To Dinosaurs Ruling Planet Again
As bees everywhere continue to dwindle in numbers as…
Trump Orders National Guard To Begin Work On Giant Cheeseburger
WASHINGTON DC – In response to growing levels of…
Man With Drum Machine Figures Out ‘We Are The Champions’
Champions. makeamericathebest.com Your Trusted Source for Faux News.…
Mars Rover Finds Newspaper Warning Of Dire Effects Of Climate Change
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – Scientists at NASA’s Jet Propulsion…
Jesus Returns To Earth, Finally Avenges Himself On The Onion
THE EARTH – Vowing to mete out punishment to those…
Book Club Decides It’s Actually A Wine Club, Ditches Books Altogether
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – After a year of dutifully meeting…
Congress Pledges To Improve Tax Code: Will Add 14 New Worksheets
WASHINGTON, DC – Building on the popularity of the changes to this year’s forms, including six “building-block” schedules and new…
President Bans Use of Prepositions On Twitter
Unhappy at repeated criticism surrounding his use of grammar on Twitter, President Trump today lashed out at what he termed “PC…
Elite Ivy League Water Polo Players Admit Not Really A Thing
Under questioning in the wake of college admissions scandals sweeping the country, water polo players from several prestigious Ivy League…
Death Panel To Pull Plug On Corporations Making Billions
UNITED STATES – Saying they were fed up with the rising costs of health care, Americans this week began assembling…
Health Experts Report: Janties Leading Cause Of Jeast Infections
But people are still itching to buy them. …
Man Guesstimating 2/3 Cup Of Cereal Accurate To Within 1 Millionth Of Micron
A man pouring cereal into a bowl for his…
