Flintstones Sue David Hockney For $90.3 Million Dollars
SANTA MONICA, CA – In a lawsuit filed this…
President Calls In Army To Put Down #WorldKindnessDay Celebrations
WASHINGTON DC – Fearing the spread of camaraderie and…
House Republicans Look Forward To Leaving “All This Unpleasantness” Behind
WASHINGTON DC – In a gesture of goodwill toward…
RBG Admits Broken Ribs Sustained During Ultimate Fighting Match
WASHINGTON DC – After reporters uncovered a series of…
Giant Caravan Of Meatpackers, Housekeepers, And Farmworkers Threatens US
MEXICO – In a bid to secure thousands of…
Mars Rover Finds Newspaper Warning Of Dire Effects Of Climate Change
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – Scientists at NASA’s Jet Propulsion…
Bleary-Eyed Americans Confront Yet Another Pitiless News Day
UNITED STATES – Rising from their beds with nowhere…
Jesus Returns To Earth, Finally Avenges Himself On The Onion
THE EARTH – Vowing to mete out punishment to those…
Americans Working Harder Than Ever To Pretend They Don’t See UFOs
UNITED STATES – In a big change from what used…
Book Club Decides It’s Actually A Wine Club, Ditches Books Altogether
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – After a year of dutifully meeting…
Penguins Fed Up With Climate Change, Head North To Kick Some Major Ass
ANTARCTICA – Fed up with years of inactivity by…
Amazon Announces Construction Of More Exclusive “New Hamptons”
THE HAMPTONS, NEW YORK – Responding to a growing…
Trump Delivers Schittysberg Address
SCHITTYSBERG, KY – Although frequently maligned for not knowing the significance of American history, or the proper decorum for a…
US Voters Flock To Polls In Bid To Establish Constitutional Monarchy
UNITED STATES – Suffering from extreme fatigue and a broken political system that pits two unappealing parties against each other…
Nation’s 911 Operators Overwhelmed As YouTube Experiences Brief Outage
UNITED STATES – Dramatically exposing a serious vulnerability in the nation’s emergency response system, millions of 911 calls overwhelmed dispatchers…
Mike Pompeo Assumes New Duties As Director Of Menu Book
WASHINGTON DC – Fresh on the heels of an administration victory in the Senate, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo took…
Man Experiences Daylight Savings Time Shift As Foretold By Einstein
NEWPORT CANYON, CO – While astrophysics might seem like a…
Scientists Reveal Universe Actually Shaped Like iPhone 7s
BERN, SWITZERLAND – Astrophysicists who have been working for…
