Mars Rover Finds Newspaper Warning Of Dire Effects Of Climate Change
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – Scientists at NASA’s Jet Propulsion…
Democrats Issue Ultimatum To Donald Trump: Do Not Juggle Chainsaws
WASHINGTON DC – In a harshly worded statement that…
Mike Pompeo Assumes New Duties As Director Of Menu Book
WASHINGTON DC – Fresh on the heels of an…
Supreme Court Looking Forward To Attending “Anything Goes” Keg Parties
WASHINGTON DC – Anticipating the impending confirmation of Brett…
President Trump Renames National Anthem ‘United States of America Song’
WASHINGTON DC – On the heels of successfully re-titling…
Scientists Reveal Universe Actually Shaped Like iPhone 7s
BERN, SWITZERLAND – Astrophysicists who have been working for…
Study Finds 95% Of Cats Are Better Read Than Their Owners
DEPAW UNIVERSITY – Using advanced imaging techniques applied to…
Berkshire Hathaway Discovers It Owns Rhode Island During Routine Audit
OMAHA, NB – The American multinational conglomerate Berkshire Hathaway,…
New Bacheroulette Show To Select Husband At Random
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After 15 years of experimentation, the…
Bleary-Eyed Americans Confront Yet Another Pitiless News Day
UNITED STATES – Rising from their beds with nowhere…
Jesus Returns To Earth, Finally Avenges Himself On The Onion
THE EARTH – Vowing to mete out punishment to those…
Americans Working Harder Than Ever To Pretend They Don’t See UFOs
UNITED STATES – In a big change from what used…
Republicans Pretty Sure Everyone Will Forget All About This Stuff By Monday
WASHINGTON DC – Citing general distractedness and the excitement of football among other factors, Republicans expressed confidence today that all…
87% Of US Children Already Forgetting Trump Presidency
UNITED STATES – Although the subject of a recent poll is the current President of the United States, a random…
Tragic: President Unable To Spell His Name On G7 Statement
QUEBEC CITY – Despite repeated coaching from the six other allied leaders on how to form the individual letters that…
White House Accidentally Nominates Black Judge, Apologizes For Clerical Error
WASHINGTON, DC – Given the fast pace at which the Trump administration has been filling positions on the federal bench,…
Attorney General Sessions Most Likely Responsible For Hurricane Michael
WASHINGTON DC – In what’s being generally viewed as…
Americans Scramble To Fund New Alcohol-Friendly Health Study
UNITED STATES – Alarmed by a recent scientific study…
