ELWAY, ID –
During an otherwise uneventful stroll thru downtown Elway, Idaho, local man Ethan Nelliger became concerned Tuesday by a mysterious voice emanating from the sky, delivering a warning about possible side effects.
The voice’s list, which included lethargy, cluster headaches, and a burning sensation while urinating, began at approximately 2pm and continued deep into the evening.
Nellieger, a lifelong Elway resident, was not sure what to make of the situation. “I’ve never heard of anything like this happening before. It sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie,” he remarked looking up into the clear blue sky. “I don’t have any of these side effects right now – or at least, I don’t think I do”, he said.
As the voice added hunger pangs, shingles, frozen shoulder, and acute pancreatitis to the list, townspeople wondered whether the uncomfortable nature of the side effects would effect attendance at the upcoming “Elway Spring Country Days” celebration and parade.
“While there is some concern about whether people will be able to hear the marching band clearly,” said the town’s mayor, Rebecca Mitchelle, “we are planning to hold the parade as scheduled, and are coordinating with relevant authorities to determine what impact this may have on our citizens.”
As of press time, Nelliger had decided he did not have a peptic ulcer or blood clot, but was looking for a mirror to see if he might be developing jaundice of the eyes.
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