Trump Announces Szechuan Sauce Embargo On North Korea

Trump Announces Szechuan Sauce Embargo On North Korea

  WASHINGTON, DC – In response to repeated questioning from the press corp on what he meant by “only one thing will work” to bring North Korea’s nuclear program to an end, President Trump this afternoon announced that thing was a complete and total ban on the sale of McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce to North Korea. […]

Bill Cosby Shares Inspirational Kitten Post With Harvey Weinstein: “Everybody Makes Meowstakes”

Bill Cosby Shares Inspirational Kitten Post With Harvey Weinstein: “Everybody Makes Meowstakes”

  LOS ANGELES, CA – Writing on his private Facebook page that he “knows this must be a tough time”, and offering to be there “in case you want to talk”, writer and comedian Bill Cosby shared an inspirational kitten poster this week with film producer Harvey Weinstein with the caption: “Everybody Makes Meowstakes”. Featuring […]

Former President Obama Hops Into Space Shuttle, Abruptly Leaves Earth

Former President Obama Hops Into Space Shuttle, Abruptly Leaves Earth

  CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – Amid the chaos of two hurricanes, an earthquake in Mexico, nuclear threats from North Korea and a White House administration in turmoil, Former President Barack Obama this week jumped into one of the nation’s space shuttles, initiated a launch sequence, and blasted off into outer space. The security guard on […]

Moon To Cockblock Sun In Lame Move Says Mercury

Moon To Cockblock Sun In Lame Move Says Mercury

UNIVERSE – The planet Mercury, one of Earth’s closest neighbors, has long grown accustomed to the antics of the Earth’s moon. But the latest move by the Moon to cockblock the Earth from receiving the warming rays of the the Sun kind of took the cake. “So typical,” said the smallest and innermost planet in […]

President Attacks Alt-Universe, Says Worse Than Alt-Left

President Attacks Alt-Universe, Says Worse Than Alt-Left

WASHINGTON DC – In scathing remarks at the end of a press conference earlier this evening, President Trump devoted a full 20 minutes to rail against what he said was an alternate version of the universe that was bent on the destruction of his administration. He also went on to claim that this “alt-universe” was […]

US Launches Penelope Cruz Missile – North Korea Smitten

US Launches Penelope Cruz Missile – North Korea Smitten

  PACIFIC OCEAN – Unveiling a secret weapon that has been in development for several years, the US military launched a Penelope Cruz missile from a Trident Submarine toward North Korea, badly enamoring the nation with the beautiful model and actress. Kim Jong-Un, who was smitten in the attack, vowed to press on with his […]

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