15.4 C
Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Americans Working Harder Than Ever To Pretend They Don’t See UFOs


In a big change from what used to be a fairly routine task, Americans are having to put in more and more effort these days to pretend that they don’t see the thousands of UFOs that fill the skies both day and night across the country.

In fact, for many Americans, the ubiquitous space craft from other planets are becoming almost impossible to avoid.


Getting Pretty Ridiculous

Once the stuff of legend, UFOs were the purview of crackpots and fringe societies throughout the 1970s. But the massive uptick in the sheer numbers of them has made it difficult for Americans to look the other way.

“Back in the day, it used to be you might run into one here or there, like over a corn field or flying above some mountains,” said Ike Nollingsworth of Butte, Montana. “And it was always the middle of the night. Now it’s getting like you can’t go outside without having to turn your head or stare at the ground. They are literally everywhere.”


Can’t Even Look In Rear View Mirror

Jamie Willmens of Central City, Texas, says he is followed by UFOs every time he drives into town. “It’s starting to be a safety concern,” he said. “They are always in my rear view mirror, especially at train crossings.”

“At some point, you just have to watch where you’re going. If a UFO is flying right over the road in front of me, there’s not a lot I can do about it.”


Wondering If We Should Just Admit They Are Here

In fact, some Americans are wondering if we should just stop pretending and admit that aliens are everywhere.

UFO crosses the road in Morrisey, Nevada

“Really, who are we trying to fool anyway?”, said Shirley Jattson of Cornell, Georgia. “It’s not like they can’t see us trying to avoid them. They know that we see them. So why not just acknowledge them?”

“I agree,” said her husband Jack. “Let’s just admit it and get on with our lives.”



No Comment From The Pentagon

Although average Americans are coming to grips with accepting that aliens may exist, so far the US government has been slow to respond. A recent press release from the Department of Defense read:

“While there has been an increase in reports of unidentified objects in the sky over the past few years, Americans should continue to go about their business as they have always done.”

“Whether or not aliens exist and are flying around continuously in our aerospace is a possibility that the US government is investigating, and we will share our findings at an appropriate time. Most likely during a full scale alien invasion to take over the planet.”

Your Trusted Source for Faux News

Great Mother's Day Gift Ideas

Is your mom an outdoorsy type? A book lover? A fashion fan? Show her you pay attention to her interests using these helpful gift suggestions tailored to her personality.